Be Still My Beating Heart
by Oblivion's Tragedy
Summary: Hi, my name is Victoria Barnes, but my friends call me Vicky. When Dr. Erskine asked me to be his assistant I had no idea I'd be fighting something even more dangerous than Hitler's Third Reich, nor did I think my best friend would become the hero the world needed more than anything. All thanks to a little serum and some sunlight, but there's always a price for genius. SteveOC
1. Chapter 1

My brother was an idiot. Really, he was.

James Barnes, also known as 'Bucky' by most, was my older brother by two years and probably one of my best friends aside from Steve Rogers, my brother's scrawny 90 pound best friend with a serious lack of self-preservation. Us Barnes' had known Steve and his mother for as long as I could remember and when she died, Bucky and I were there to hold him up and our mother graciously took him in. His father had passed away when he was four so he had nowhere else to go. Our father had died of cancer when Bucky and I were young too and it seemed like that was the start of a friendship that would never die. Despite Bucky's popularity with women and whatever else, he always made time for me, the stubborn quiet little nerd, and Steve, the shy asthmatic artist.

To most the differences between Steve and Bucky were as plain as day; Bucky being obviously stronger and more handsome than Steve and Steve never backing down from a fight he knew he could never win. I knew better though; growing up with the duo I knew that both of the most important men in my life had a loyalty that would rival any lion and were more stubborn than rocks.

Oh, I'm sorry; I completely forgot to tell you my name. It's Victoria Barnes, but my friends call me Vicky. I'm a bit of a nerd, according to my brother, Steve and past high school peers. And I won't deny it because it's true. Almost right after I graduated high school, when I was 19, the war against Germany was already going on for a year and it was then that I was approached by a Dr. Abraham Erskine. He somehow heard of my astounding grades in not only sciences, but in my extra vocational courses that included languages such as German and Latin.

He invited me to join a crew of his working for the government to help the army. I was a little surprised that a German would be fighting against his own country, but it didn't so much matter to me considering he was on our side. But as thrilled for the offer as I was I argued with Erskine that I had only finished high school a few months prior and hadn't even applied for any post-secondary education yet, therefore I would hardly be of any use to him. The good Doctor had simply smiled as if he had a secret and shook his head at me saying, "I believe you're intelligent enough as it is. I'm actually glad that you're head hasn't already been filled with the nonsense they teach in those Colleges."

If you could imagine, I was extremely confused, but I went with it. It was a once in a lifetime thing he was offering and the nerdy little girl inside of me just couldn't pass it up. Sure I'd be leaving my family and what few friends I had, but I was about to become part of something much bigger than that and selfishly that's what I wanted.

I took Erskine's offer with hardly a second thought and the next two days was spent saying goodbye to everyone I knew. When they asked why I was leaving and what exactly my job was going to be I had to bite my tongue from proclaiming that I would have a somewhat significant part in bringing down the Germans. Erskine had told me that this was top secret and that the littlest amount of information given was strictly necessary.

So, my reply became robotic; "Nothing special really, just helping out with some stuff for the army. I'm probably going to end up sewing uniforms together and writing down equations for artillery or something."

I thanked my lucky stars for being the weird one because no one questioned my explanation.

But when telling Bucky and Steve… Boy, that was the hardest thing ever. Bucky had immediately went into a fit, yelling at me telling me how stupid I was and that I had no idea what I was doing –he even had the gall to say that our mother, who had died of the flu a few months before, would not approve; I almost socked him one just for that. Steve stayed quiet, keeping his mouth shut as he let Bucky spout curses and have enough rage for the both of them. Even though Steve was one of my closest friends we had never actually talked much after he and my brother grew into teenagers, he always seemed to get so tongue tied when it came to girls and honestly it was just adorable. Whenever I tagged along with them he mostly stayed glued to Bucky's side as if he thought I had a communicable disease or something.

When we were younger, it was easy to talk to Steve because while Bucky was busy being dragged off by the other kids who thought Steve and I were nuts; no one wanted to pay attention to the awkward boy and strange girl so we spent a lot of time together talking and laughing, but as we got older Steve almost seemed to make a switch into being even more awkward and stuttered often. I thought it was cute. I had always thought Steve was cute despite his lack of height and physical appearance that most thought as unappealing because I saw Steve for what he truly was; a real swell guy.

But again as we got older and the boys started becoming interested in other girls… Well, needless to say my childhood crush developed a hankering jealousy as I watched Bucky attempt to match Steve up with all of his dates' friends. It was almost as if I became invisible to the two and eventually had to move on to find new friends even though I still regarded them as my best ones.

But anyways, back to the story.

Where was I? Oh yes.

Well, as I said before Bucky was pretty furious, but it was obvious he had no choice but to let me go and live my new dream. Of course this was before Hitler's Third Reich started becoming a serious problem and we figured the war would be over soon enough.

Boy, were we ever wrong.

Because along with Adolf Hitler there was another threat and his name was Johann Schmidt. He was the big cheese of an organization called Hydra. But more on that later.

It turned out that the project Erskine needed me for required certain training as a precaution. In just one year I was converted from a quiet nerdy young woman pulled fresh out of a high school from Brooklyn into a scientific researcher with the double status as an American Agent of the Strategic Scientific Reserve, or simply just the SSR. That one year changed my life as I became harder, more mature and self-assured with the help of Dr. Erskine and the rest of the SSR team including the tough Colonel Chester Phillips, the handsome charmer Howard Stark and British Intelligence Agent Margaret Carter, also known as Peggy. But during that year as I helped Dr. Erskine with his serum, and a numerous amount of other projects he was working on, I never lost my stubbornness or my happy-go-lucky demeanor.

Most of my time was spent with Dr. Erskine in the labs, but there was the rare occasion when I was ordered for training and the like and even got some free time to myself once in a while. Of course those free times were few and far in between considering the escalating importance of the war and I usually spent it reading or catching up on sleep. There wasn't much to do on an army base or a secret lab besides that so I did what I could to stay entertained.

Did I ever miss Steve and Bucky though.

Dr. Erskine had told me everything. Being part of the SSR I was informed of Hydra, of Johann Schmidt and his crazy ambitions to become a god, but it was the doctor that had filled me in on his story and why Schmidt did what he did. To be honest I was horrified, but also fascinated and honored that Erskine trusted me enough to help him create the serum as well as share these secrets with me, even if it wasn't all of them. If asked to, I wouldn't have been able to recreate such a complicated composition, but I didn't mind; the less I knew was probably for the better. Regardless it gave me more cause to respect the doctor and his efforts.

I wrote to my family often, keeping quiet about the specifics of my job of course and I was happy to find out that Bucky still hadn't made good on his promise to join the war if things got too hairy. Unfortunately during the summer of 1941 he informed me that not only him, but Steve too wanted to get in on the action. I wasn't too worried about Steve joining, especially after Bucky told me he had been rejected _three_ times already, but I was worried about my brother. He was big and strong, there was no doubt that if he were to try he would be enlisted.

Little did I know that on the night of Stark Industry's Science Expo my worst fears came true when both Bucky _and_ Steve were accepted into the US Army. Dr. Erskine and I were both in attendance, accompanying Howard of course. We were all to return to base for recruit training in the morning and while Dr. Erskine and Mr. Stark were going to be holed up in their labs pretty much the whole time, I was assigned to help Agent Carter and Colonel Phillips break in the rookies just for the morning and then I would continue to help Dr. Erskine in the lab.

I had no idea that both Steve and Bucky were also at the fair and as I roamed the grounds I happened to spot my brother amidst the crowd with two women, a blonde and a brunette. I thought it strange that Steve wasn't at his side, but thought nothing of it as my excitement at seeing my brother the first time in a year and a half caused me to throw any other care I had at the moment away. I could see him perfectly, his teeth dazzling in the fair light as he grinned charmingly, his matching nose to mine flaring slightly as he smiled. His mischievously sparkling eyes just a shade lighter than my ocean blue ones, his short light brown hair tucked perfectly under his army cap and his-

Wait, army cap?

My excitement immediately disappeared when I finally noticed my brother in the uniform of a soldier. My steps that I had been taking toward him slowed to a halt as I stared at him from several yards away. At my sudden stop a few people ran into me, cursing me in mumbled tones, but I could care less as I watched my older brother laugh with the brunette he currently had on his arm and her blonde friend. They were heading towards the exit, no doubt to go dancing, which was Bucky's favorite date idea.

Seeing him was what brought me to my first thought; my brother was an idiot. I guess some would call him patriotic, brave, loyal or other such words, but the only one that had registered in my mind was idiot. As awful as it sounded, I had told my brother that I didn't want him to enlist _ever_ because he had no idea what exactly he was up against. Of course when he questioned how I knew that I had to say that the Germans didn't look as strong as they really were, which I guess wasn't a complete lie. Apparently he didn't listen to a word I said. Typical.

Watching them leave I resisted the urge to run after him and rip the cap from his head and yell at him until my throat was sore, but it would be no use. Not only would it be hypocritical, but Bucky was just as stubborn as I was and would definitely shout back effectively turning the argument back on me like he did when we were kids only this time he would be right.

Finally he disappeared and I sighed, turning back to the building where new eager soldiers were being enlisted and getting physicals. Dr. Erskine and I were there not only there for Stark's Expo, but to find new possibly worthy recruits for the serum that was perfected only a month ago. How did I know it was perfected? Because I had volunteered myself, much to the Doctor's disapproval, to receive minimal doses every day to see if there would be any unsavory side effects of the serum on the human body for when the true test was to be taken. It was risky and Erskine reminded me of that every time he injected the small amount of blue liquid into my arms or legs, but I held fast and each time countered with an 'I volunteered remember?' He would give me that disappointed look any father would give their disobedient child, but continued as requested. As expected, the only side effect was muscle soreness and constant aching, but I learned to live with it. Now the only thing that was missing was the Vita-Rays that would stimulate the enlargement of muscles, but Erskine insisted that I was not to be the intended experiment. Women weren't allowed on the battlefield, after all, much to my disappointment.

I wasn't going to lie, I was ecstatic that we were finally done and to see the result of it on a real soldier would pretty much blow my mind away, but this recent development with Bucky troubled me and at the moment, excitement was far from my mind.

That was until I rounded a corner and promptly ran into someone causing me to stumble back unsteadily on my slightly heeled shoes and blink in surprise. The person I had run into wasn't so lucky and had fallen flat on his rear, the file he was holding skidding a foot or two away from him on the floor. Immediately I fell to my knees to grab the folder, thankful for my skirt covering my knees as they met the cold floor, an apology instantly on my lips.

"Goodness, I'm so sorry! Are you alright?"

"I'm sorry; I should have been watching where I was going."

We had spoken at the same time and I had no problem recognizing that voice. As I looked over at the man I was shocked into silence yet again when I was met with none other than Steve Rogers himself. An excited grin graced my red tinted lips when our eyes met, blue on blue, disregarding the shocked and confused look on his slim pale features.

"Steve!"

"Vicky?"

We had spoken at the same time again and I practically giggled with happiness as I stood and offered my hand for him to stand as well, my other clutching the file he had been carrying to my chest. He took it with a grateful nod and with our combined strength –which was more from me –we pulled him up to stand and instantly he moved to pat the dust from his clothes almost shyly. Once again I was reminded of our noticeable height difference; even without my heels poor Steve was at least five to six inches shorter than me.

"It's great to see you," I said, my grin still in place and my body practically vibrating with joy. "How are things?"

"Um…" Steve mumbled, glancing up at me before looking down at my outfit and looking away again. Confused, I looked down as well wondering if I possibly had a stain or something on it, but there was none. I was in the uniform an SSR female Agent would wear that was similar to a regular troop's. Instead of wool slacks I had a skirt that went a few inches below my knees and a white blouse and black tie beneath a matching brown blazer that buttoned down the middle tightly, slightly accentuating my waist line. Oh, I guess I could see why Steve was flustered.

Before I could speak again Steve lifted his shoulders in a shrug, still looking away. "Oh, you know, the usual."

Looking at him again I noticed his lip split at the corner and couldn't help the sigh that escaped me. "Got in a fight again, huh? You've got to have hit some sort of record by now, Steve. Seriously, I think you actually like getting hit or something."

Steve let out a deep chuckle, a sound that almost seemed foreign coming from a man so small and finally lifted his head to look me in the eye, a small smile on his lips that caused mine to widen. "Funny. Bucky said almost the exact same thing."

At the mention of my brother my smile faltered slightly and Steve noticed though he didn't say anything as I sighed. "So, he got enlisted, huh? Good for him," I said with a slight nod.

"Yeah," Steve replied while shuffling his feet. "The 107th."

My smile was gone completely by now as I dropped my eyes from his almost sadly. Being my older brother it was Bucky's job to be worried for me, especially when I was just a teenager when I happily accepted my role into the war as a secret Agent, but I couldn't help it. Bucky was the one that was supposed to go on dates, have fun dancing, and go to the movies with Steve, not die on the front lines.

"Um, Vicky?" Steve asked, breaking me out of my thoughts and I looked back up at my long-time friend. "Can I have that back?" He lifted a hand to point at the folder I still had clutched to my chest and I blinked before looking down at it then gave him a smile.

"Sorry, Steve. Just got a little distracted is all," I chuckled and held out the folder to him.

But I stopped as I noticed the letters stamped on the cover. _United States of America Enlistment Form_ was at the top and directly beneath it read **STEVEN GRANT ROGERS.** Immediately I thought he had tried and failed again to join the army, but something at the back of my head was telling me that it wasn't. I tensed and my bottom lip tucked between my teeth in worry. Ignoring Steve's feeble pleas not to, I opened the folder and my gaze was drawn to the black stamp at the bottom right corner. **IA**.

My breath hitched and I snapped the folder closed, handing it back to Steve with a frown. The blonde man who I considered to be the closest thing to a best friend I could get almost looked guilty as he took the folder back.

"You too," I stated with a shake of my head, disappointment clearly showing on my face as Steve's guilt seemed to almost disappear as determination took its place.

"Yep. I'll finally be able to make a difference," he said, his bony shoulders squaring with the bravery that I always knew he had. Sighing yet again I gave him a sad smile.

"Well, then I guess I'll be seeing you in the morning, Soldier," I quipped almost snappishly even though I smiled and watched as Steve's face contorted in shock once again.

"What?" he asked, almost stuttering.

"That's right. I'll be at your boot camp tomorrow morning for your first day of training." As cruel as it might sound, I almost laughed as the shocked expression on Steve's face intensified and I gave my friend a pat on his shoulder that was half a foot lower than mine. I offered another small smile as I began to walk away. "I really have missed you, Steve. Good luck." With that I passed him by to make my way to the examination rooms where I would no doubt find Dr. Erskine, my low heels clicking on the hard floor and Steve staring at my back as I left.

Luckily it didn't take me long to find the doctor as he was sitting in the waiting room reading a pamphlet with interest. Storming toward the man I thought of as another father I placed my hands on my hips and glared half-heartedly at him. To his credit he didn't cringe or even look up and at me as he casually tapped his foot that was crossed over the other to a slow beat.

"Did you accept a scrawny asthmatic kid named Steve Rogers, Dr. Erskine?" I asked bluntly, no longer waiting for him to acknowledge my presence.

"I assume by you immediately coming to me with such a question you already know the answer," replied the good doctor with a smile as he finally folded the pamphlet and set it to the side while looking up at me. My glare deepened and a frown began to take place. "I also assume that you know him."

"Yes, he's an old friend of mine," I confirmed.

"How did you know it was me who stamped his papers?" he inquired and I finally allowed a small smirk to come across my lips and my hands dropped from my hips only to cross smugly in front of my chest.

"I only know one Doctor that's wacky enough to enlist a man like Steve Rogers."

Dr. Erskine chuckled and stood from his chair, grabbing his coat from the back of it. "You disagree?"

Frowning again I followed the doctor as he made his way out of the waiting room and into the crowds toward the main building where we were to be meeting up with Stark. "Yes and no," I finally admitted. "Steve's a good man. Actually he's probably the best man I know. Never backs down from a fight, even inadvertently starts a few that he can't finish, but he's got the biggest heart I've ever seen. I swear it's made of gold or something." Looking at the doctor out of the corner of my eye I spotted his knowing smile and sighed in acceptance. "I understand why you chose him."

"As I've told you, and I'm sure you're aware, physical capabilities are not the ultimate goal," he said cryptically and I rolled my eyes, turning back to the path in front of us. I was aware that we were no longer talking about Steve being accepted into the army, but something else entirely.

"I know," I sighed again, almost hating that he was right. "He's going to need some work though. We can't just send him in blind."

"Oh no, of course not," agreed Dr. Erskine as we finally broke free of the patrons in the main courtyard and entered the building only few trusted members were allowed in. "There is much work to be done still, but you are right. He is a good man."

"He sure is," I said with a nod. Silence reigned between us, but I felt less angry towards both Steve and Erskine although the worry still remained.


	2. Chapter 2

**Steve's POV**

Seeing Vicky again felt like a dream or some sort of special award for finally making it into the army. It had been a little over a year since I had last seen her and it was incredible that she happened to be at the Expo at the same time as I was. I didn't even question what a scientist's assistant was doing at the Stark Convention, I was just happy to see her.

She was just as beautiful as she had been back then with only a few subtle differences. The slight chubbiness from her childhood that I had been so jealous of growing up had all but disappeared to leave her with the slim angular jaw she shared with Bucky. Her sparkling blue eyes were just as dazzling, her smile even brighter. As much as I was embarrassed to look at her body, I couldn't help but notice how well she fit her beige uniform or how beautifully the red lipstick accented her plump lips.

I could never deny, not even to Bucky, that I had always had a crush on the younger Barnes. She was the only girl that would ever talk to me that wasn't an adult no matter how embarrassing it was to be around the asthmatic awkward kid. She never cared that others stopped being friends with her because she hung around me and she never cared that I hardly talked back as she rambled on about something that I had no idea about. She understood me in some ways that I don't think Bucky ever could and yet I never had the guts to even ask her to dance because I was too scared she'd turn me down despite our friendship.

She was partially the reason why I never really put a lot of effort into trying to date aside from my obvious insecurities. It seemed that even with Bucky constantly pairing me up with girls, in the back of my mind there was always Vicky with her enigmatic smile and charming laugh that always made her snort a little when she got too excited. Part of me wanted to get out there and try and find the right girl, but the side that mostly held me back kept reminding me that she was already there right in front of me.

And then she was gone, off on some adventure in the war and doing what she could to help the cause. I couldn't deny that I resented her a little bit for that. Bucky took advantage of that by taking me on as many dates as he possibly could; he never really approved of my crush on his sister. He loved her, and probably me just as much, but he didn't think it was the best match.

'_She needs a strong fella to take care of her, Steve. She's too difficult to handle even for the both of us. I'm sorry to say that you just can't do that for her, pal_,' he had said to me once when I had finally admitted my feelings to him. As much as I hated the truth of his words, I couldn't deny them either.

I was only three quarters of Vicky's size, it wouldn't have worked anyway.

But now I was accepted into the army and better yet she was there to witness it. With any luck at all I'd at least gain a bit of muscle to be able to stand up for myself. Maybe then I'd be strong enough for her. Maybe then I'd finally have the guts to ask her to dance. Maybe then I'd finally admit to her that she was the only girl I ever thought of being with.

But that would be a while from now. Looking down at my scrawny arms I gave a sigh. A long while.

**Vicky's POV**

We returned to base that night after picking up Howard and I was glad to finally get off my feet and get some shut eye. I slept easily through the night even though my military issue mattress was harder than a rock and my pillow flat enough to make my neck sore in the morning. By now I was used to this form of inadvertent torture and it didn't bother me so much. That fact was obvious enough when Dr. Erskine had woken me up in the morning and informed me of my snoring.

He was already dressed and ready to go, of course, and I spent the next ten or so minutes rushing around the corner office of the lab that had been turned into a makeshift room for me and the doctor when we were too busy to head back to our regular sleeping quarters. I didn't bother too much with my hair or the little amount of makeup I usually wore and ended up with a high pony tail, my bangs hanging in my face, and a light smattering of lipstick.

After leaving the lab with Dr. Erskine we rendezvoused with Colonel Phillips to be taken to the training grounds where we'd look over the new recruits and supervise their training for the morning. I envied the Doctor because he had to be there only for the initial introductions then he would be allowed to skitter off to the labs for more testing and fun stuff I would have to miss out on until the afternoon. The only upside to being here would be that I'd get to see Steve in action to try and prove himself a worthy American soldier. His heart was for sure, I had no doubts about that, but unfortunately his body hadn't quite gotten the memo.

I could see them as we approached, all pressed and clean, heads held high with confidence and backs straight with pride. I snorted softly to myself as I remembered a few words Dr. Erskine had shared with me when I asked why we wouldn't be giving the serum to someone who was already well trained and had guns as arms and more muscle in one finger than I had in my entire body. He had only smiled in that annoyingly enigmatic way of his and replied with, '_because, Fräulein, the bigger you are, the harder you fall. Remember what I told you about Schmidt?_'

At the time I felt like a child being reprimanded for blurting a stupid question, but Erskine had reassured me that I wasn't the first to ask that very same question and to receive the very same answer, although Phillips still wasn't completely agreeable with it. That was another man that reminded me of a father figure; Colonel Phillips. All rough and jagged on the outside, but still a good man with good intentions.

The laughter I had previously hid with a snort finally broke loose when I watched as none other than Peggy Carter clocked a solid punch into one of the recruits' nose just as our driver pulled us up to the scene. Beside me, Dr. Erskine threw me a disapproving glower, but I could see a hint of an amused smile hidden beneath his scruffy moustache and beard and so I continued to smile and returned his look with a shrug before we both exited the vehicle with Colonel Phillips.

"Agent Carter," greeted the higher ranking officer upon hopping out of the jeep. Immediately the British woman turned to salute him, a stoic expression on her flawless features as she returned a greeting. "I can see you are breaking in the candidates. That's good." Phillips approached the group with a small smirk twisting his wrinkled face. Clasping his hand behind his back, he looked at the recruit that Peggy had knocked to the ground. "Get your ass up out of that dirt and stand in that line at attention until somebody comes and tells you what to do."

"Yes, Sir!" the man said loudly as he stumbled back to his feet and held his head high as if he hadn't just been punched by a woman. I raised my brow at the pride of men, spotting the small trickle of blood coming from his left nostril, and hid a smile as I stood at Erskine's side with his my hands clasped behind my back. Looking over at Steve I found his eyes already on me and gave him an encouraging wink.

And then Colonel Phillips broke out into his speech, his legs carrying him down the line. "General Patton has said 'wars are fought with weapons, but they are won by men'," he quoted, his loud voice deep and commanding. "_We_ are going to win this war because we have the best –men." He stuttered in his words as his eyes drifted over the line of soldiers and landed on Steve, staring at him disbelievingly before a stern look was thrown at both Dr. Erskine and I. I didn't look back, but Erskine cast him a small smile, knowing the man disapproved. Steve didn't seem fazed at all by the Colonel's look he gave him before he started making his way back up the line after clearing his throat. "And because they are going to get better. _Much_ better." Looking at Steve again I saw his eyes follow the older man as he left.

"The Strategic Scientific Reserve is an allied effort made up of the best minds of the free world. Our goal is to create the best army in history, but every army starts with one man. At the end of this week we will choose that man." Colonel Phillips came to stand in front of the line once again, his old eyes stern and intelligent on the group of young men. "He will be the first in a new breed of super soldiers. And they will personally escort Adolf Hitler to the gates of hell." His eyes roamed over the line, once again lingering briefly on Steve.

"Now, I'd like to introduce you to a few faces you will be seeing regularly. This here is Agent Carter," he said as Peggy stepped forward, her head held high and proud. Beside her was a tall scrawny man with an angled face and a stern expression that rivalled Phillips'. "She and Sergeant Tims will be in charge of your boot camp. Over here," here his hand gestured towards the Doctor and I, "is Dr. Erskine and Agent Barnes. And last but not least I am Colonel Phillips. The three of us will be monitoring your progress throughout the week." The older man's hands came to rest on his hips, and he gave the briefest twitch of a tired smile. "So I don't want to see any slacking off, you hear me?"

"Sir! Yes, Sir!" came the unanimous reply.

"Good. That's what I like to hear. They're all yours." He nodded to Peggy and Sgt. Tims as he took a step back to stand on the other side of Erskine from me. Immediately both Peggy and Tims began to bark orders causing many of them to jump in surprise. I felt a little proud when Steve didn't even flinch. All those years of getting beat up and bullied made him practically immune to that sort of thing.

As Peggy and Tims took the candidates to another area of the grounds to spread them out for some intense obstacle course, Phillips gave a long sigh and threw us both another look before stalking off back to the jeep and had the driver take him off to do whatever else. Dr. Erskine merely smiled at the man's retreating back before turning it to me and widening it to a grin. I couldn't help my own smile from forming and a small laugh to escape my lips.

"It seems you friend is eager," he commented, watching the group from the distance we were at. Slowly we began the leisurely pace to follow. I watched as Steve, at the back of the line, struggled to climb a rope that rested on one side of a fake wall. Tims was yelling at him to _move, move, move_, but the poor man's arms were too weak to pull even his light weight. No matter how hard he grabbed, jumped or ran at the wall he still couldn't lift himself, but that didn't stop Steve from trying. I could tell from the determined look on his face that he was going to push himself until he got it.

"You couldn't have guessed that from the five enlistment tries?" I finally asked in sarcastic reply to his comment. The Doctor gave a lighthearted chuckle.

Over the next week I watched as Steve tried to prove himself worthy of being in the US Army. I had talked to him very little during that time, but he had told me very clearly that he didn't care if he was the one chosen in the end; he only wanted a chance. Though his arms and legs never got any stronger, his resolve was bullet proof. No one, not even President Roosevelt himself, could have convinced him to quit. Not Hodge, the soldier whom Peggy had decked on day one, could even scare and bully him into giving up. I had watched each day when I came with Dr. Erskine as the man continuously tried to sabotage Steve's training. It made my blood boil and my hands shake, but each time I bore witness to the bullying the good Doctor would level me with a knowing look and shake his head. Steve had to take care of himself.

As in most fights that Steve had been in, of which I had only ever seen the aftermath of, he didn't give in and he never tapped out. I had heard from Peggy herself that he had used his brain instead of the brawn that was expected of him when Tims ordered that someone retrieve the flag from the halfway pole around the expanse of the training camps to get a ride back as a reward. While everyone else jumped and climbed, failing in their attempts to retrieve it, Steve had hung back and when they had all gotten back into formation at Tims' order he had pulled the pin from the base of the pole and allowed it to fall to the ground so that he could unclip the flag. He had handed it to a stunned Tims with a breathlessly kind 'thank you, Sir' and promptly hopped in the jeep.

'_Quite an interesting man, your friend_,' she had said to me over the rim of her tea cup after telling me the story. '_He's not like most soldiers.'_

'_That's because Steve has an IQ higher than forty_,' I had replied with a proud grin. I was glad to see that Steve was making a good impression on more than just me and Dr. Erskine. The woman, however, gave a small smile.

'_But do you think he's ready?'_ she asked tentatively. She had known me for over a year and in that year she had discovered I was rather protective of those close to me.

And as expected I had bristled at the question, my smile falling as I lowered my tea to the table between us. '_We wouldn't be thinking of choosing him if we didn't,' _I replied tersely. The other agent simply gave a slow nod and we had proceeded our get together with a change of subject.

Dr. Erskine and I had been talking about it all week. Each night we mulled over the cadets' pros and cons trying to figure out if they had the right character, both of us already knowing who was at the top of the list. Paperwork had to be filed though so the monotony of it had to be taken care of for the sake of documentation.

By the time Friday came around the corner it was time to reveal our choice to Phillips. Both of us were hesitant, knowing the man believed in strength more than heart, but we decided we would be adamant. Ultimately it was Erskine's final say anyway, no matter Phillips' feelings about it.

We approached him that morning with our heads held high. He was standing off with a few Sergeants writing a few things down on a clip board. When he noticed our approach he handed it off to one of the other men and met us half way. Looking over I caught a glimpse of Steve with the other cadets between a couple parked supply trucks doing push ups with Peggy and Tims shouting insults to motivate them.

I turned my attention back to where it belonged when Phillips spoke. "So? Who's it going to be, Doc?"

Dr. Erskine gave a smile, his blue eyes sparkling behind his glasses. "I think you already know who."

Phillips' expression grew tired and irritable and a sigh allowed his shoulders to fall the slightest bit as he turned his gaze to me. "What do you think about this?"

"I couldn't agree more," I replied without missing a beat. Phillips turned with a scowl and began stalking towards the training men. Erskine and I followed close behind, quickly coming up to walk at either of his sides. The older man didn't say anything for a while until we were close enough to hear the grunts of effort and Peggy's nasty words.

"You're not seriously thinking about picking Rogers are you?" He asked almost exasperatedly. I shot the man a glare, but was ignored.

"We are more than just thinking about it. He is the clear choice," Erskine replied while reaching up to fix the placement of his glasses on his nose.

"When you brought a 90 pound asthmatic onto my army base I let it slide. I thought 'what the hell', maybe he'd be useful to you like a gerbil. Never thought you'd pick him," scoffed the Colonel.

"With all due respect, Sir, I had already volunteered myself as the gerbil," I said, my tone coming out with a slight bite to it no matter how much I tried to suppress it. "Another lab rat was not necessary." Phillips turned to me with a frown and pointed a finger at me.

"Which I still don't like by the way." I shrugged and didn't reply as we walked along the side of a supply truck, stopping when we reached the end to train our eyes on the cadets. I heard Peggy order an 'Up!' and as they stood she ordered them to do jumping jacks. All three of our eyes moved to Steve as he struggled to straighten up, his breath heavy and his white shirt soaked with sweat and caked with dirt. "You stick a needle in his arm and it will go right through him," Phillips continued. We watched as Steve's arms raised and lowered weakly, his jumps just barely causing him to leave the ground. "Look at that. He's making me cry."

Because he was above my rank, I couldn't smack the man and tell him there was more to Steve than what met the eye. That didn't stop me from silently seething though.

"We are looking for qualities beyond the physical," Erskine sighed in exasperation, looking at the Colonel imploringly.

"Do you know how long it took to set up this project? All the grovelling I had to do at Senator What's-his-name's comities?" Phillips lowered his voice as he looked at the Doctor.

"Brandt," Erskine supplied. "And, yes, I am well aware of your efforts." The German scientist let out a short sigh of exasperation. I would bet he was trying not to roll his eyes at the Colonel.

"Then throw me a bone. Hodge passed every test we gave him. He's big, he's fast, he obeys orders. He's a soldier."

I couldn't hold back my scoff and ignored the look the men gave me as I crossed my arms over my chest, watching Steve with interest. "He's a bully," countered Erskine.

"You don't win wars with niceness, Doctor," said Phillips, almost sounding scolding, and I turned my head just in time to watch as he moved past Erskine and pulled out a dud grenade from one of the boxes in the truck. "You win wars with guts." He pulled the pin, the clip flying off, and held it up to show both of us before tossing it into the middle of the jumping group of men. "Grenade!"

Immediately there was chaos. Other groups close by ducked to the ground, covering their heads with their hands and the cadets we were currently surveying sprinted out of range, diving behind vehicles and hiding around crates. There were shouts of fear and the sounds of boots shuffling along the earth, kicking up clouds of dust as each man tried to find cover.

All except for one.

Steve didn't hesitate in running forward and leaping over the grenade, curling his small body around the tiny green and potentially dangerous object. "Get away!" he shouted, his head tucked into one arm as his other shot out in a gesture to shoo Peggy back when she came running forward and stopped short. When she didn't move his whole body convulsed as he made the effort to shoo her off again. "Get back!"

But Peggy didn't move. Nobody moved and slowly the tension of the moment dispersed. Despite the lump that grew in my stomach at the thought of Steve being so willing to sacrifice himself for people that treated him like dirt, I allowed a small smile come across my face as I watched his tense and shaking form slowly relax, the pinched expression on his thin features smoothing out as the realization that the grenade was not going to go off.

"It's a dummy grenade," someone from another group announced and slowly my friend rose to sit up, confusion written clear across his face as he looked up at Peggy then to me, Dr. Erskine and Colonel Phillips. Looking over at the two men myself I saw the smug smile form under Erskine's scruffy beard and the scowl appear on Phillips' face.

"Is this a test?" Steve asked breathlessly from a mixture of the adrenaline and the exercise he had been doing previously.

Dr. Erskine and Phillips looked at each other, the shorter man giving a shrug as the Colonel's frown deepened. "He's still skinny," he proclaimed before promptly storming off once again. Erskine watched him leave with a raised eyebrow before giving a still panting Steve a bright smile as I joined him at his side.

Leaning over to him with a grin of my own I whispered, "You made a good choice, Doctor."

"We both did, _Fräulein_."


	3. Chapter 3

After sharing a cheeky grin with the Doctor I moved forward past Peggy and offered my hand to my friend who was still on the ground and panting like he had just run around the quad. He looked up at me, blue eyes squinting from the sun, but grasped my hand after a moment of contemplation. I hauled him up easily due to his unnatural light weight and my smile grew brighter at the frown of confusion on his pinched features. He looked back and forth between me and the dud grenade still lying on the dusty ground and blinked multiple times.

"I still don't really understand what just happened…" he said slowly, still bewildered. As soon as he was steady on his feet he released my hand as if it was on fire with a light blush dusting his cheeks and looked away nervously. I was used to Steve's awkwardness around women, but it still annoyed me that even after so many years of friendship he still treated me like I was some strange enigma. It irked me every single time he wouldn't hold my gaze.

My proud smile had fallen in my irritation and was replaced by a small scowl. That was another difference between me and Bucky; while my brother stayed friendly and charming despite whatever kind of anger he might be feeling, I wore my emotions on my sleeve. When I wanted to cry, I cried. When I was angry, I would hesitate to let my frown be seen. When I was happy, I would surely laugh and sometimes even giggle.

Right now though, I was pulled into the realm of annoyance at Steve's awkwardness. As his friend I should have understood and been more encouraging, but instead I felt almost betrayed. I was his friend for many years and he couldn't even look me in the eye. If you had asked me why I was so annoyed with this –this was _Steve_ after all –I wouldn't have really been able to give a valid reason aside from wanting to look into his friendly shining blue irises that made my heart melt every time I caught a glimpse of them.

"Congratulations, soldier," I finally replied to his question, my tone coming out stiffer than it should have. "You've been chosen to be the first of many."

Steve blinked and actually looked up at me, his eyes wide with surprise. His chest still heaved slightly in exhaustion, but a smile broke out across his face and I felt my earlier anger dissipate to allow a smile of my own come back to my lips. My heart gave an extra thud much like it had in my childhood as I looked down at him and his happy expression.

"I-" he stuttered, his eyes only briefly flitting away to look past me at a smiling Peggy and Dr. Erskine. His eyes trained on me again with the brightest smile I had ever seen on his face. Not even his awkwardness would let his gaze stray from mine and I was more than glad to hold it. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. I'm just the assistant," I chuckled, a light blush finally managing to rise on my own cheeks at Steve's attention. Even after a year and a half of being separated from him and Bucky and maturing more than I thought I would, he still affected me like a love struck little girl. I mentally rolled my eyes at myself; first I was mad he wouldn't look at me and now I was wishing he hadn't so that I wouldn't look like a blushing idiot. Blinking away my confusing womanly thoughts I gave a gentle shrug and gestured over my shoulder to the kind Doctor that was making his way over. "It should be him you thank."

"Do not restrict yourself from some of the credit, Agent Barnes. You had a good deal to do with my selection," chided Erskine as he joined me at my side with a smile. I felt my blush deepen ever so slightly when Steve's eyes focused on me more intently, watching me with some emotion I couldn't place before he looked at the Doctor and shook his outstretched hand. The older man held a twinkle in his eye that lit up his features as he gave a nod, a sincere 'congratulations' and then departed with his hands in his pockets.

Steve and I watched him leave before my friend turned back to me, once again not meeting my eyes as he looked to the ground and scuffed his booted foot in the dirt. I was happy he didn't actually look directly at me or else he would have seen the blush on my cheeks. Both of us seemed to forget Peggy's presence as well until she came forward and offered her own well wishes before sauntering off to continue the boot camp with Sgt. Tims. Steve and I were left in silence, neither of us looking at the other.

After a few minutes he gave a gentle cough and lifted a hand to scratch awkwardly at the back of his neck. "So, I was chosen… because of you?" he asked slowly, his tone low and shy, but I could catch a hint of disdain behind his words. He thought I had enough influence to convince Erskine to choose him? I wanted to laugh at the idea, but reminded myself that Steve didn't know Erskine as well as I did. He didn't know that the man was as stubborn as a mule and wouldn't give in wholeheartedly to anyone else's suggestions, although it did look kind of like that with him being a friend of mine.

"No, not really," I told him, hoping it would ease his somewhat troubled expression. When it didn't change, I elaborated. "The only part I played was telling Erskine what kind of man you were, how you were growing up, your personality. I only solidified his suspicions."

His brow furrowed. "Suspicions of what?"

Here, I let a gentle smile tug at the corners of my lips and at my pause, Steve looked up and I was caught in his stare again. "That you're a good man. He practically had you chosen the day he accepted you at the Stark Convention."

I didn't miss the shock that took over him and my smile widened a fraction. His mouth opened as if to say something, but no sound came out. Instead he just stared, clearly not sure what to say as his jaw snapped back shut. I couldn't stop the light laugh that escaped me. "You're excused for the rest of the day," I told him. "Go get some rest. Tomorrow morning you have the procedure."

Later that night Dr. Erskine and I decided we'd pay Steve a friendly visit, just to see how he was handling things, both of us nervously excited for the following day. I arrived at the bunker earlier than the Doctor though. Before I had left the lab he said he had a few things left to package up for the road trip back to New York in the morning and insisted I go ahead of him. I had nodded and left the lab without another word and made my way to the now empty bunker that only housed one Steven Rogers. The other cadets had been retasked to other bunkers as they were no longer needed to be thoroughly supervised for the project and Steve was the only one left in waiting of the morning.

Stepping just past the still slightly ajar door, I noted the silence aside from the soft jazz playing from the record at the other end of the room. The lights were dim from small pot lights hanging from the ceiling, but it was still bright enough to allow me to see one lonely person sitting on a bed only a few steps away from the entrance. His back was turned to me and his head was slightly bowed as he hunched forward the slightest bit. I stopped; knowing the clicking of my low heals would alert him to my presence and not wanting to disturb him just yet.

His right shoulder continuously gave little twitches of movement and though I couldn't see his hands or what he held in his lap I knew what he was doing. Growing up with him and watching him as often as I could while he was distracted allowed me to see the littlest things he didn't think anyone else could probably notice. When he thought he was alone he was just as relaxed as when Bucky was at his side and no women were in the room.

He was drawing. For as long as I could remember knowing Steve he always had some sort of sketch book and pencil with him to draw at a moment's whim. And he wasn't half bad; he even went to college for an art degree. I had seen a few things he had drawn before, him blushing as I praised his obvious talent, and had even gotten him to draw a few things for me in the past. As kids, before he became shyer around women, he had drawn me flowers or random objects from around the small home my mother had brought him into. Later it became pleasant sceneries and a few cartoons of a few nasty teachers we used to have in middle school and we used to laugh over them. Bucky would always be utterly confused and ask what was so funny, but Steve and I always replied with a giggled 'nothing's and refused to show him the cartoon, which irritated him to no end. It felt nice to have a secret with Steve, no matter how trivial. We had something that was just between us.

But as the years passed, I stopped receiving drawings from the reclusive man. My mother didn't complain, deeming it inappropriate, and neither did Bucky who never said a word on the matter. I'd asked Steve a few times when I saw a particularly pretty flower or two in a flower shop we passed every morning on the way to school, but each time he would avoid my stare and mumble something before striding ahead with Bucky.

Looking at Steve now, I reminded myself that I still had those drawings. Every single one. I even had them with me here at camp. I had packed them with all my essentials, not being able to part with them.

Shaking my head to rid myself of the thoughts I decided it was time to let my presence be known. My hand lifted to knock gently at the open door and watched as Steve jumped almost off the edge of the bed completely. I suppressed a laugh behind my smile as I saw him twist around with wide eyes, his hands instantly snapping his book shut. Upon seeing me, he twitched nervously, his hands and body language clearly showing that I had startled him from deep concentration.

"Sorry," I apologised as I stepped into the room with a sheepish grin. I knew how he could get so into his work. He watched me closely as I took a few more steps and then some more until I stood at the end of the other bed beside his. I shifted the folded over thin mattress to lay flat and took a seat to face him with a smile. "Dr. Erskine will be here soon. He had a few things to finish up with at the lab."

"Oh," was his mumbled reply as he bowed his head again and tugged nervously at the white SSR t-shirt he wore. I noticed just how big it was on his thin frame, but didn't comment on it as I looked at the medium sized brown leather book in his lap. I wanted desperately to look inside and see what he had just been drawing so raptly, but refrained out of politeness.

An awkward silence prevailed between us, but it was thankfully broken a few minutes in by another knock on the door. I looked up to find Dr. Erskine in the still open doorway with a friendly smile as he looked at Steve. "May I?" he asked, his gaze dancing between the two of us.

It seemed we were both eager for the interruption and we both nodded while Steve answered with a 'Yeah.' The Doctor's smile grew as he took a few more steps inside and that's when I noticed what he held in his hands. In his left was a dark green tinged bottle and in his right were three small glasses and I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face as he approached.

"Can't sleep?" he asked knowingly when he got closer and placed the glasses on the trunk at the end of Steve's bed.

The younger man nodded. "Got the jitters I guess."

Erskine gave a small laugh and I shared a gentle smile with him as he moved to take a seat next to me his hand waving in the air as he pointed from me to himself, his eyebrows rising slightly. "Us too."

Steve watched us for a moment, both smiling warmly at him, until he twisted to place his book on the trunk beside the glasses. "Can I ask you a question?" he asked.

Erskine gave him a lopsided grin. "Just one?"

Steve paused for a moment and waited for the Doctor to get situated before continuing. "Why me?"

Erskine gave a small sigh as his fingers fiddled with the neck of the bottle he had rested on his knee. "I suppose that is the only question that matters," he said then looked between me and Steve again. "Did Victoria not already tell you?"

I blushed at the man I considered a father figure's stare. "Briefly, yes," I replied sheepishly. "But I didn't go into detail."

Erskine gave a nod and turned his gaze back to the bottle in his hands as he tilted it back to look at the label. "This is from Augsburg. My city," he told Steve softly. "So many people forget that the first country the Nazis invaded was their own. After the last war my people struggled, they felt weak, they felt small… And then Hitler comes along with the marching and the big show and the flags and the…" He noticed he was rambling and sucked in a breath to ground himself as he fixed his glasses. I reached across the space between us and patted his shoulder while giving him a gentle smile. He always got a little emotional when talking about the war.

He smiled gratefully in return and continued. "And he hears of me and my work and he finds me and he says, 'you'." Here he pointed at Steve, imitating the conversation much like he had done when he had told me the same story. "He says, 'you will make us strong.' Well… I am not interested." With all his hand gestures he deemed it wise to set the bottle of alcohol on the floor. "So, he sends the head of Hydra, his research division. A brilliant scientist by the name of Johann Schmidt. Now, Schmidt is a member of the inner circle and he is ambitious. He and Hitler share a passion for occult power and Teutonic Myth. Hitler uses his fantasies to inspire his followers, but for Schmidt it is not fantasy. With him it is real.

"He has become convinced that there is a great power hidden in the earth left here by the Gods, waiting to be seized by a superior man. So, when he hears about my formula and what it can do he cannot resist. Schmidt must become that superior man." I watched Steve's expression throughout the explanation and saw how he was wrapped up instantly in Erskine's story much like I had been. When I had been asked to take on the task of his assistant it was because I wanted adventure and my inner need to do something for the war effort. After this story, however, I had become intent, much like Erskine, on stopping Schmidt. A man with that kind of power had to be stopped even more so than Hitler himself.

"Did it make him stronger?" asked Steve.

"Yeah," nodded Erskine slightly. "But… There were other effects. The serum was not ready, but more important, the man. The serum amplifies everything that is inside so good becomes great. Bad becomes worse." Steve's expression was stern and attentive. He knew as well as I did just from that story that Schmidt had to be stopped. "This is why you were chosen. Because a strong man who has known power all his life may lose respect for that power. But a weak man knows the value of strength and knows compassion."

Steve gave a slight incline of his head. "Thanks." His brow then furrowed. "I think."

Entering the conversation for the first time I gave a soft laugh. "It's a compliment, Steve. I swear if I didn't know the specifics of anatomy, I'd say your heart was made from pure gold." Steve smiled and a blush rose to his cheeks and even spread to his ears as he refused to look at me. Beside me Erskine gave a quiet chuckle before waving his hand at the glasses on the trunk.

"Get the glasses," he asked Steve kindly as he bent over to retrieve the bottle of schnapps from the floor. Steve obliged and held two out for Erskine to pour the alcoholic liquid. After the first was poured only an inch from the bottom the Doctor took it from the silent man and handed it to me where I bounced giddily in my seat. My twenty-first birthday had passed only a month ago and I had yet to have my first taste of alcohol. What better time to share the moment with my best friend and mentor? The only person missing was Bucky…

"Whatever happens tomorrow you must promise me one thing," continued the Doctor as he poured the last two remaining glasses and successfully stopping me from going down a rather dangerous train of thought. He placed the cork back in the bottle and set it on the floor before reaching out and accepting one of the glasses. "That you will stay who you are. Not a perfect soldier, but a _good man_." Upon saying the last two words the older man reached out to point purposefully at Steve's chest; right above his heart.

After a pause Steve sucked in a breath and offered a smile as he held up his glass. "To the little guys," he toasted. Erskine and I brought up our glasses as well and the three of us clinked them together in the center of the little circle we had made. The Doctor gave a little laugh and we raised the glasses to our lips.

But Dr. Erskine suddenly stopped and jumped forward to stop Steve before he could drink, stopping me as well. "No no, wait wait!" he exclaimed as he extracted the glass from Steve's hand. "What am I doing? No, you have a procedure tomorrow. No fluids." The confused look on Steve's face relaxed in understanding as the Doctor split the contents of Steve's glass between our own.

"Oh," he said almost uncaringly. Steve never really was one for drinking. "Alright. Well, we'll drink it after."

"No, we don't have a procedure tomorrow. Drink it after," the Doctor scoffed with a shrug as he gestured to himself and me beside him. "Drink it now." Without another word he lifted the glass to his lips and drank its contents as Steve and I smiled at him. Giving a quiet chuckle I went to do the same, but Steve's sudden outburst stopped me once again.

"Wait! Vicky, you're not 21 yet," he exclaimed, his hand reaching out to stop me. I gave a huff at being interrupted again and leveled my good friend with an exasperated look.

"Yes, I am. I turned 21 last month," I countered. Steve looked surprised at this and then sheepish, probably for not remembering. He didn't protest as I drank the schnapps in my glass and when I was done, I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. As the alcohol burned down my throat my face scrunched up and my eyes slammed shut, feeling the shiver go down my back at the strong alcoholic taste. Holy mackerel! Was it always like that?

I coughed and both men let out chuckles as tears sprung to my eyes. Dr. Erskine reached over and patted my shoulder affectionately. "You get used to it eventually, _Fräulein_," he told me.

I coughed again and handed him the glass, but instead of setting it off to the side with Steve's he poured another, smaller, mouthful. Shrugging, I clinked it with his and we both drank. The burn wasn't as bad the second time.

We spent the next hour chatting idly until I had to stifle a yawn. By then it was probably 2200 hours and I wanted to get plenty of rest before the procedure the next day. I had informed them of this, subtly hinting that they should turn in soon as well, and was bid goodnight as I exited the barracks. I was to be riding in the car with Steve to escort him to the underground lab in Brooklyn to help him stay calm. Erskine thought a friend being present would benefit him as well as calm my own nerves. When I had asked him if he needed my help in the lab to prepare for Steve's coming he had merely shaken his head and informed me that he and Howard would have it under control. With a nod I had complied.

After turning into bed in the uncomfortable cot in mine and Erskine's office, it wasn't long for me to find sleep despite my nerves for the following day. I wanted to blame the alcohol, but unfortunately I didn't feel the buzz most had told me I would feel from drinking. I deduced it to be because I hadn't drank enough, naïvely thinking one had to consume copious amounts to reach such a level. I only had a few mouthfuls after all. I drifted off to sleep without so much as a worry for anything, not knowing that disaster would befall one so close to me in only a matter of hours.


	4. Chapter 4

The continuous buzz from the wind up alarm clock awoke me in the morning at precisely 0600. My blue eyes opened slowly and I gave a huff as I reached over to the desk that doubled as a night stand to stop the annoying sound. After that was done I simply lay there and stared at the dull grey metal ceiling lost in thought.

Surprisingly I felt wide awake. Bright eyed and bushy tailed as my mother used to say. It was the last way I would have expected to feel after consuming alcohol the night before. Bucky had once told me after his own twenty-first birthday that he woke the next morning with a splitting headache and an upset stomach that wouldn't permit him to eat for hours. He was miserable the whole day and it didn't help to have a crooning mother and a teasing Steve around. He had confined himself in his room and slept the day away while I was at school. When I returned home he was wrapped up in one of our mother's home made Afghans listening to the baseball game on the radio looking close to death with his red droopy eyes and deep frown. Steve sat next to him with a small smile; his own birthday wasn't for a few more months and he had yet to experience what Bucky had.

But I was experiencing none of that. In fact I felt how I did every morning with only a tad more excitement for the coming events of the day. My head wasn't spinning, my stomach wasn't in turmoil and I didn't feel any weakness in any of my limbs. I actually felt strong, like I did every morning since joining the SSR.

Bringing myself out of my thoughts I sat up in the creaking cot and stretched my arms over my head, feeling my spine give a few delicious pops and cracks. I sighed, letting my arms fall back down to my lap and looked over to the other side of the room to the other cot where, unsurprisingly, I found Dr. Erskine fast asleep and snoring away.

Smiling I rose from my cot and grabbed the appropriate clothing from my rucksack at the end of the bed before skittering off to the bathroom to dress. Again I was in my dull brown uniform that allowed little movement and accentuated my waist. I huffed at this. After joining the SSR I had worn pants for the first time for training and other such things and found that I rather liked them. In pants there was more freedom to move and you simply just couldn't run or even walk properly in a tight knee length skirt and heels.

After fixing a smattering of powder and lipstick and bunching my long wavy brown hair into a messy bun atop my head, I went back to the office where Dr. Erskine still lay unconscious in the corner. Stifling a giggle I approached the side of his sleeping form quietly so as not to disturb him.

On the desk beside him was the schnapps bottle still uncorked with his empty glass beside it. Looking closely I could see only about one quarter of the contents remaining and shook my head with a smile. Closest to him were his glasses, the temple arms folded neatly in behind the lenses. The man himself was a rumpled mess of wrinkles as I could clearly tell he was intoxicated enough not to change into his usual sleepwear. His brown suit jacket lay over the back of one of the chairs in front of the desk, but he had otherwise not bothered to undress; he even still had one shoe half on his foot and the other lay on its side on the concrete floor. His hair was just as in disarray as his clothing, the short salt and pepper strands sticking up wildly atop his balding head.

I smiled fondly down at the quietly snoring man I considered a father. After my real father's passing my mother never bothered to try and remarry as she was too grief stricken from George Barnes' untimely death only three years after the First World War. I was two when my father died, Bucky was four. We hardly knew him, but we saw pictures and our mother told us stories of how they fell in love and how she still loved him even though he was gone. Bucky looked almost exactly like him and our mother, Winifred, reminded him of it almost every day and it was what had pushed Bucky in his older years to be the self-proclaimed man of the household. The only thing I had from him was my blue eyes, dark hair and adventurous personality.

Blinking myself out of my thoughts once again I focussed on the sleeping Doctor. Erskine had taken on the role of father only a mere three months after taking me as his assistant and started calling me things like '_meine Tochter', 'Liebste'_ and _'Fräulein.'._ I never knew what it was like to have a father, so I didn't question it and in fact accepted it with open arms. The only time when it became overbearing was when we were in the lab and I was getting the test injections for the serum or when I stayed up a little too late reading.

Now, as I looked at him, I couldn't, nor did I want to, stop the warm feeling in my heart for the man. My mother was gone and even though I still loved her, I had always been annoyed that she always insisted on me being the lady I never felt comfortable with being. I didn't like going to large tea parties or shopping. I didn't like the idea of staying all day at home cooking or cleaning for a husband I would hardly see. I didn't like her constant disciplinary tone when she caught me staring at Steve just a little too long. I was impulsive and stubborn and I liked dirt and I liked adventure and I liked _purpose_. The Army, and ultimately Dr. Erskine, had given that too me.

My love for the man only grew over the next year and a half and soon I was calling him '_Vater_' in the safety of the lab when no one else was in earshot. At first he had been surprised and shocked into speechlessness, but hadn't protested. He had smiled, a look coming into his eyes that I recognized as pride and had nodded silently.

I sighed as the memories flashed through my mind. And now his dream, which had eventually turned into _our_ dream, was coming true. The serum was ready and so was the man. Steve was more than we ever could have hoped for as a first super soldier in the making.

Dr. Erskine shifted, snorting softly in his slumber and I decided it was time to rouse him. I had let him sleep long enough. Reaching out, I gently grasped his shoulder and shook it while whispering a soft, "_Vater. Vater, sie aufwachen_."

He startled slightly, but awoke with hardly a fuss. His blue eyes attempted to blink away the bleariness of sleep and I gladly handed his glasses over to him. He accepted them with a 'thank you' and placed them on his nose as he sat up rubbing his forehead and I took a step back. Smiling at him I pulled the wooden chair from the desk that his coat rested over and sat down in a ladylike manner. Just because I disliked my mother's teachings, didn't mean they weren't permanently engrained in my skull.

"How much did you drink last night?" I laughed softly. Erskine gave a wry smile and shook his head, eyes closed behind his glasses as he rubbed at his temples.

"More than was probably necessary," was his mumbled reply. My smile grew into a grin.

"Would you like me to fetch you some coffee from the mess hall while you get ready?" I asked. The Doctor gave a hardly perceivable nod.

"_Ja_. Thank you, _Liebste_."

"_Keine Ursache_."

With that I left the office, closing the door behind me with a soft click. When I returned with two steaming mugs of black coffee, he was dressed and ready to depart. I handed him his coffee and he accepted it with a grateful '_danke_' before taking a long sip. He had already drunk the whole mug before I was even at half of my own and I took the mug from him to place it on the desk.

Sighing, he sat back on his cot and his eyes found mine with a bright smile. I returned the gesture giddily, knowing the reason for the nervously excited look on his face. My hands tightened around my coffee mug in order to contain the giggle that was bubbling up my throat.

"Today is the day_, meine Tochter_," he breathed his wrinkling hands twisting in his lap. "Today, we make history."

Finally allowing my giggle to release, I detached one hand from my mug to reach out and grasp his, my smile so wide my face began to hurt. "Thank you for making me a part of this," I said earnestly. Honestly, there was no place I'd rather be than at Dr. Erskine and Steve's sides during the procedure and I was honored and awed that I had been chosen to witness, much less help, with putting it into action.

The kind old Doctor's smile didn't falter and he returned the squeeze of my hand on his. "It is my pleasure, _Fräulein_. I could not have asked for a better assistant." Here he smiled and pulled one hand from beneath mine to brush a strand of hair I had missed putting into my bun from my face. His tone grew soft. "_Meine Tochter_…"

Unbidden, tears sprang to my eyes. Not many others knew, but Dr. Erskine had once had a child; a daughter by the name of Esme. Her mother had died during child birth and he was left to raise the child alone until she too passed away at the age of 7 from German Measles. After that he had immersed himself into his work. He had once shown me a picture of her, just one, and had told me that I reminded him of her. It was mostly the reason why he treated and called me what he did; he was making up for the time he never had with Esme just as I was for the time I missed with my own father.

Seeing my tears the Doctor shushed me gently and shook his head. "I'll have none of that," he reprimanded gently, but there was no true command to his words. "Come, we must depart soon. I will see you at the lab." He then stood, taking his last hand from my grasp and gently cradled my cheeks as he tilted my head to place a chaste kiss upon the crown of my head. With one last gentle smile he left the room.

The ride back to Brooklyn, New York was practically silent. After Erskine had left, I had finished the last few sips of my coffee and then headed off to find Peggy, who would be riding with us as well. The procedure wasn't scheduled until 1000 hours and by the time I had left to get Steve it was already 0830. It had made me realize just how long I must have been contemplating my thoughts before rousing the Doctor from his slumber.

Steve and I sat in the backseat of the car silently as we drove through the streets of Brooklyn, both nostalgically looking out the windows as we passed by kids playing baseball in the streets and mothers walking their children to and from the grocery store. I was reminded of when I was a young girl and tried to play ball with Bucky and his friends, but was constantly shooed away by the other boys along with Steve. No one wanted to play with us because Steve was weak and I was a girl. The memory, despite the bad taste of it, made a small reverent smile appear on my lips.

"I remember this neighborhood," Steve commented suddenly and it caused me to look over at him. He was staring out the window just as intently as I had been, his sharp blue eyes ever watchful. It's what made him a good artist. His hand rose to point out the window at a passing alley. "I got beat up in that alley." Then we passed a restaurant with a colorful sign proclaiming it as 'Joe's Grill'. "And that parking lot." We passed another restaurant. "And behind that Diner."

Something tickled inside my chest and I frowned. According to Bucky's letters, Steve's beatings had intensified not long after I left to join the SSR. He had said something about thinking Steve thought that he'd eventually get the hang of it and maybe get enough practice to join the army. Of course, that didn't really work as he usually came back to have our Bucky patch up his black eyes and split lips. But still he kept it up, believing that someday it would happen.

"Did you have something against running away?" Peggy asked from the front seat, her eyes trained forward on the street through the windshield. I threw a small glare at the back of her chocolate curls. Beside me, Steve shrugged and looked down at his lap. He then shook his head even though he knew Peggy couldn't see it.

"If you start running, they'll never let you stop. You stand up, you push back. Can't say 'no' forever, right?" I don't know why I was suddenly jealous. Maybe it was because Steve's tone didn't suggest any hint of shyness as he spoke to Peggy and maybe it was because her face wasn't turned toward him attentively, but I felt a bit of resentment towards my female friend as he spoke to her in a way he hadn't done to me since we were kids. Instantly I felt ashamed though; Peggy didn't know any of this and Steve had every right to talk to women freely whether his nerves allowed him to or not. I had no right to feel threatened because of it.

I was pulled back into the conversation as Peggy gave a wry scoff. "We know a little of what that's like, don't we, Agent Barnes?" I looked up at the woman as she just barely turned her head a fraction to look at me over her shoulder. I remembered why we had such a good connection when we first met; we shared a need to be equal with men. Although I didn't know Peggy's upbringing, mine was born from a need to stay at Bucky and Steve's sides at all times and that was hard to do as a woman.

I gave a chuckle of my own as Peggy returned her stare in front of her. I glanced at Steve next to me and offered a gentle smile. "Doors are constantly shut in our faces and hardly any seem to open for an opportunity," I elaborated.

Steve returned my look for a moment before bowing his head. "I still don't really understand why you left, Vicky," he said. "I guess I just don't know why you would join the army if you were a beautiful dame." He seemed to startle himself with the commented and instantly began to stutter as he realized what he said, his eyes wide and almost scared. "Uh- a beautif- Um, a woman. An agent. Not a dame. You are beautiful, but…" He gave a frustrated sigh as his hands gestured wildly in front of him and I was glad for the little bit of extra makeup I had put on this morning as it hid the blush that rose on my cheeks. Steve thought I was beautiful?

He stopped himself from rambling more as he sighed again and averted his eyes from me, a red tint of his own taking over his cheeks. I couldn't stop the smile that took over my lips as I watched from the corner of my eye as Peggy turned her head again to give me a knowing smile.

"You have absolutely no idea how to talk to women, do you?" she laughed gently from the front seat.

Steve gave a nervous chuckle and avoided my gaze, but I could still see the self-humored grin on his lips. "I think this is one of the longest conversations I had with one. Much less two." I smiled at him, but he refused to look at me. "Women aren't exactly lining up to dance with a guy they might step on."

_I would have danced if only you would have asked_, I thought suddenly. It was true; countless times had I waited at sock hops at school or birthday parties for Steve to ask me to dance, but instead Bucky had tried to get him to dance with all the other girls who flat out refused him more harshly than was necessary. I supposed I could have asked him myself, but I was too shy to at the time. Now, however, if given the opportunity I might.

"You must have danced," insisted Peggy.

"Well," Steve sighed. "Asking a woman to dance always seems so terrifying," he said. I didn't miss the shy glance he sent me and felt my blush return. Maybe he had thought about it too. "In the past few years it just… didn't seem that important." He gave a shrug and I felt myself deflate and I looked back out the window with a small frown. Then again, maybe he hadn't. I missed another look from Steve in doing so though. "Figure I'd wait."

"For what?" asked Peggy.

"The right partner." At his words I turned back to look at him again and was surprised to find him with his gaze already on me. When our eyes met he gave a shy smile as a blush rose up on his cheeks as well as mine and we looked away simultaneously. Maybe I was reading more into it than I should have, but for a second I thought he meant me. Of course that was ridiculous because he had never shown interest beforehand.

Glancing at the smaller man, I couldn't stop the little flutter of hope I felt bubbling in my chest. Then again… Things can change rather quickly.

**Steve's POV**

A part of me wanted Vicky to know that I was talking about her, but the shy reluctant side screamed for me to keep it hidden. How was I supposed to know she wouldn't turn me down flat? Sure, she'd always been nicer to me than any other woman I'd ever met, aside from her mother, but that might have been because she was Bucky's sister and a good friend. Most of me hoped that wasn't the case.

Seeing the blush that was mostly hidden by her makeup had given me that hope. She was almost as shy as I was as kids, but that seemed all but gone when seeing her again after becoming an agent. Her blush was proof that it was still there, hidden under that stubborn mask the Barnes' used as a shield. I was scared at first when she caught me looking, but was relieved to find she didn't seem offended and instead she smiled and bowed her head shyly like I had done so many times around her. As intimidating as she had become over the last year and a half, more so than she had before then, I knew that the old Vicky was still under that tough exterior.

I wasn't sure what to expect from this procedure, but from what Dr. Erskine had told me the night before, it could only bring good if it was successful. That good might extend to more than just helping in the war and hopefully, I thought as I glanced at the woman on the opposite side of the car from me, it would be in my personal life as well.

_Meine Tochter = _My daughter

_Fräulein_ = Young lady

_Liebste_ = Sweetheart

_Vater_ = Father

_Ja_ = Yes

_Sie aufwachen_ = Wake up

_Keine Ursache_ = You're welcome/don't mention it

_Danke_ = Thank you


	5. Chapter 5

A comfortable silence fell over the car for the next few minutes until the driver pulled up next to what appeared to be a rundown old antique shop. People milled about on the streets, completely unaware that that a government laboratory was hidden just yards away. They were blissfully ignorant to the history that was about to be made.

Peggy stepped out of the vehicle first, quickly followed by Steve and then myself. Steve placed his cap upon his blonde head and turned as Peggy strode passed him. "This way," she ordered tersely, which for her was almost friendly, and made for the door of the antique shop without hesitation. Steve glanced at me and I smiled in return before following Peggy with Steve bringing up the rear.

"What are we doing here?" he asked, looking up at the sign that read a faded 'Brooklyn Antiques' with brows furrowed in confusion. I smiled gently as Peggy gave a small huff of exasperation and continued towards the door. Steve blinked, wondering what had happened to the seemingly friendly woman from the conversation in the car and I chuckled as I sidled up beside him.

I bent slightly to bring my lips closer to his ear and spoke in a low tone. "She's always like this. Don't take it personally," I told him and watched as another red tint settled on his cheeks at my close proximity. Deciding it best to ignore it I offered a warm smile and nodded my head in the direction Peggy had gone. "Come on."

The bell above the door chimed merrily as we entered. As Steve closed the door gently behind him, a thin older woman emerged from a curtained door at the back of the room. A smile spread across her wrinkled features as she came to stand next to a desk and the three of us stopped just at the bottom of the stairs coming from the doorway. I stood back with Steve, offering silent support, and let Peggy take the reins.

"Wonderful weather this morning, isn't it?" asked the old woman, a slight Irish brogue to her words.

"Yes, but I always carry an umbrella," Peggy replied without faltering. The woman's friendly smile turned knowing and she didn't say another word as she moved across the room to another desk, her hand reaching down to somewhere we couldn't see. The secret code having been said Steve and I followed Peggy into the back room the woman had come out of. We stopped just in front of a bookcase and hardly a few seconds later there was a low clunking noise before the shelves split at the middle and opened as a pair of large double doors, revealing it to be a fake.

I couldn't supress my smile at catching the dumbfounded look on Steve's face as Peggy moved forward through the doors. Inside was a metal hall with others branching off to other areas. Receptionists, scientists in lab coats and MP guards milled around, passing papers and documents as if it were a regular office instead of a top secret facility. Passing the threshold of the doorway, the metal clunked and closed behind us with a thud.

We came upon another set of doors and they opened for us before we were even a foot away from them. Chatter met our ears instantly and it was only until we reached the balcony just past the doors that we could see the laboratory and the people that stood within it. Lights shone brightly, training their rays on the sunken control room that had an open pod placed in the raised center. More machinery that I didn't understand lined the walls and farther along the balcony was a glass room that held seats, allowing whoever occupied it to see the action below.

The moment the doors shut behind us and we came to stand along the railing of the balcony, all conversations ceased. Every eye in the room turned to rest on Steve and the poor man looked lost. He looked at me at his side and I offered an encouraging smile, reaching out on instinct to place a gentle hand on his where it gripped at the metal bar. His jaw clenched and I saw his adam's apple bob as he swallowed nervously. I squeezed his hand reassuringly before ushering him with a nod of my head to follow Peggy as she moved to the right and descended the stairs.

Once at the bottom we moved closer to the pod in the center and I nodded to Peggy who placed a hand on my shoulder and gave me a soft smile. I returned the gesture with a nod before the woman moved off to join the other higher officials who were beginning to gather in the glass observation room. I came to Steve's side as we met Dr. Erskine at the end of the pod, the older man was dressed in his brown vest and tie with a white lab coat overtop and holding a clipboard. Steve took his offered hand and shook it almost as if he were in a daze.

"Good morning," the Doctor greeted. Before he was even able to say anything to calm Steve's obvious nerves, a light flashed at their side and I had to blink away the burn of it from my eyes. In annoyance, Erskine released Steve's hand and turned to the officer who had snapped the picture. "Please, not now." The man gave a sheepish nod at the Doctor's stare and scurried off.

Steve's eyes moved over to the pod that sat unfolded before him, allowing one to see the flat side he would be required to lay on. The nervousness turned to fear as his eyes roamed over the large machine and I could already hear his breath quickening though he tried his best to hide it. Erskine must have noticed too. "Are you ready?" he asked gently. Unable to speak, Steve just nodded vigorously. "Good. Take off your shirt, your tie and your hat." He gestured to the articles of clothing before he turned just slightly and accepted a white lab coat from a passing nurse. He then handed it to me with a smile.

I returned it with a nod and took the coat before removing my brown blazer, purposely avoiding Steve beside me as he removed his own clothing. Erskine moved off to talk to one of the other scientists, leaving the two of us to change. After replacing my blazer with the coat, I passed it off to the nurse that had taken Steve's clothes and nodded her off. I finally looked at my long-time friend then and smiled as he twiddled his thumbs in front of his naked torso, refusing to meet the gaze of any woman present.

"Steve," I said softly and I saw him jump slightly, but he didn't look at me. "You'll have to get onto the table. There's a step ladder over here." I led him over to said steps after he nodded and I allowed him to remove his shoes and get himself situated as I pulled a pair of plastic gloves from one of the coat's deep pockets. After handing off Steve's shoes to a passing nurse, I pulled the gloves on.

Erskine came back moments after I turned back to find Steve lying on the black strip of table. The Doctor came to my side and the both of us smiled down at the thin man. "Comfortable?" asked the kind scientist.

Steve gave a short laugh, lifting his head just enough to look down the length of his body before putting it back down on the small cushion beneath it. "It's a little big," he joked as he released a sigh. I smiled along with Dr. Erskine at Steve's attempt to hide his nervousness with humor. "You save me any of that schnapps?"

My grin grew as I gave a light chuckle and threw the Doctor a knowing look as he smiled sheepishly. "Not as much as I should have," he replied. "Sorry. Next time." Then his voice rose ever so slightly as he looked down at the clipboard in his hands. "Mr. Stark? How are your levels?" I didn't miss the startled look on Steve's face at the mention of the inventor.

"Levels are at one hundred percent," the young genius replied, coming up to mine and the Doctor's side. He looked down at Steve in wonder, but seemed to not actually be looking at him as Dr. Erskine nodded and turned away with an accepting 'good'. Howard took his place as his eyes roamed over Steve briefly as if he were one of his inventions rather than a man before he glanced up at me with an excited yet nervous smile that was so quick I almost missed it. "We may dim half the lights in Brooklyn, but we are ready." He paused to take a deep breath. "As we'll ever be."

I lifted a hand as a few nurses approached the opposite side of Steve's pod to strap him in and patted Howard's shoulder. He was just as nervous as the rest of us because, after all, the whole mechanical aspect of the operation was his doing. For him it was a personal triumph and milestone; a true test of his genius. The man who was by far way too young to have his intelligence gave me a shaky smile before he too moved off to check over the control panels.

When I turned back to Steve he was watching me with a look I couldn't describe. I had no doubt he saw the moment between me and Howard and though I knew mine and the inventor's relationship was completely plutonic, I felt the need to apologize. Instead I gave another smile and patted his bare arm before moving off to the nurse that was preparing a shot of penicillin, making sure she had everything in order.

Two echoing thuds then reverberated around the lab and after, I heard Dr. Erskine's voice come over the speakers. "Do you hear me? Is this on?" he tested and the onlookers in the room above began to take their seats. He took this as his queue to continue. "Ladies and Gentlemen, today we take not another step towards annihilation, but the first step on the path to peace." As Erskine spoke, I moved away from the nurse to bring down the panels that would rest against Steve's chest and muttered a quiet 'sorry' when he let out a hiss at their chilliness. "We begin with a series of microinjections into the subject's major muscle groups." A few nurses joined me with the trolley that carried the glowing blue vials and we began inserting them into their respective places. "The serum infusion will cause immediate cellular change and then, to stimulate growth, the subject will be saturated with Vita-Rays." After the vials were in place the nurse I had been with before passed me the needle of penicillin and a cotton swab doused with alcohol.

Erskine came to Steve's opposite side to me as I dabbed at his upper arm with the cotton swab then inserted the needle and slowly injected the medicine, watching from the corner of my eye as he squeezed his eyes shut. After removing the needle and being careful to hand it back to the waiting nurse, I swiped at the little trickle of blood that had formed from the puncture before passing that off as well.

"That wasn't so bad," Steve commented to me and the Doctor and I gave a wry grin.

"That was penicillin," Erskine told him and Steve snapped his head to the side to stare at him incredulously, but when his stare was avoided, he turned it to me fearfully. I offered the most encouraging smile I could muster and allowed my hand to drift down to his where he gripped it tightly. "Serum infusion beginning in five…" The needle pads came down on Steve's arms and his breathing grew more rapid. "Four…" His hand gripped mine tighter. "Three…" Dr. Erskine reached out to place a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Two…" Steve's eyes clamped shut and his jaw clenched in determination as Erskine nodded to me while he retracted his hand. I reluctantly extracted my fingers from my frightened friend's grasp, wanting nothing more than to let him squeeze my hand until it was all over –anything to give him the support he needed. "… One."

Clunks of levers being pulled echoed in the otherwise quiet room and instantly the vials began to empty into the tubes connected to the needle pads with a humming noise. Steve's jaw clenched and his hands balled into fists. His eyes squeezed shut tighter and he grunted as he attempted to stop himself from crying out. The look of pain on his face broke my heart to see and I wanted nothing more than to reach out and take his hand in mine again just to let him know that I was there for him, that he didn't have to live through the pain alone.

His eyes shot open as the last of the serum entered his body and his clear blue eyes stared at the ceiling as he gasped. His gaze found mine in the next instant and I tried my best to telepathically convey all the support and strength I had for him, hoping fruitlessly that it would lessen his pain and discomfort.

"Now, Mr. Stark," I heard Erskine say, but my eyes wouldn't leave Steve's.

I took another barely perceptible step back as the machine began to rise and stand upright, the pod beginning to close. The last I saw of Steve Rogers before he was completely encased was his scared yet determined blue stare.

The machine shut tightly with a 'thunk' and other scientists began attaching the tubes that would provide the Vita-Rays. Dr. Erskine and I stepped forward, but the Doctor was the one to knock against the metal and look through the small glass window at the top. "Steven? Can you hear me?"

"It's probably too late to go to the bathroom, right?" came the muffled reply. Both the Doctor and I gave small amused smiles as he pulled me away and nodded to Howard.

"We will proceed."

Mostly everyone in the room had some sort of eye protection from the intense light that would emit from the small window of the machine. Erskine and I didn't have such protection and instead shielded our eyes from the harshness. "Ten percent. Twenty percent. Thirty." As Howard counted higher, the light intensified. "That's forty percent."

"Vital signs are normal," said someone from another area of the room.

"That's fifty percent. Sixty. Seventy."

Steve began to scream. Startled, I ignored the burning of the light on my eyes and looked to the pod as if I'd see my friend suffering and contorting in pain before me, but he was hidden behind the metal contraption. His cries grew louder and panic rose up in my chest causing my fingers to feel numb.

"Steve!" I shouted desperately, beating Dr. Erskine to it as I raced forward and up the few little steps to squint into the harsh light from the pod. "Steve!" I began to pound my fists at his metal confinement, but it was futile as my friend continued to scream. I could vaguely hear others shouting in the background.

"Shut it down!" That was Peggy.

"Steven!" Dr. Erskine.

"Shut it down!"

"Kill the reactors, Mr. Stark! Kill it! Kill the reactors!"

"No!" The last shout made everyone pause. My fists stopped beating on the pod and I stared desperately into the glow from the small window as if I could see Steve within. "Don't! I can do this!"

There was a moment's pause and I turned to look pleadingly at Dr. Erskine who pursed his lips into a thin line before nodding to Howard who reluctantly continued to turn the wheel. I stepped back from the pod once again as the light grew brighter, fear clutching at my chest. When I was far enough away, I felt a pair of hands grasp at my shoulders from behind me. "Eighty!" shouted the inventor. "Ninety! That's one hundred percent!"

The light began to flicker. Sparks flew from the control panels and the light bulbs from the pot lights burst causing many to duck for cover. Dr. Erskine and I stood our ground as the light from the pod suddenly dimmed, leaving only a few lights and sparks to illuminate the laboratory. The loud humming that we had been shouting over slowly began to fade as the machine died down.

Everyone in the room stared with anticipation as no sound from the man inside was heard. Dr. Erskine was the one to shatter the silence. "Mr. Stark!"

As my eyes were trained on the pod, I didn't see as Howard flipped a switch, but I did see the pod shutter before it began to open with a hiss.

Other than the clouds of steam the first thing I saw was the broad tanned chest and muscled torso that definitely had not been there before followed by a pair of too tight beige khakis. Then arms were revealed, covered in the same tan from the Vita-Rays and sheen of sweat as the rest of his upper body. Last came his face which had once been pale, thin and sickly angled but was now square and tanned to perfection as it tilted back weakly against the headrest in exhaustion.

Erskine and I raced forward as his head lolled tiredly to the side only to be stopped by a cushioned buffer. The Doctor and I each took an arm and supported the now large muscled man as he began to slump forward and called out his name softly. Steve was panting, chest rising and falling rapidly, and his knees buckled slightly under his knew weight but the Doctor and I slung his arms over our shoulders and supported him as we helped him down the small steps to stand on the cold metal floor. Boy, was he ever tall now too! He had grown at least a foot and now towered over me easily.

"We did it?" he gasped, his head still bowed to stare at the ground and his eyelid just barely staying open.

"Yeah," I breathed in amazement as I looked over his new body. If I didn't know any better I would have thought this man was someone else entirely and not my friend Steve. It was only his face that allowed me to recognize him.

"I think we did," added Dr. Erskine as he smiled across the man at me. I returned the look with a bright grin. We did it!

Howard Stark rushed forward, his eyes wide as he stared just as intently as the rest of the room's occupants who had also began to converse excitedly and shake hands in congratulations. I couldn't concentrate on much of anything other than the incredible urge to wrap my arms around Steve in a bone crushing hug. I was just so glad he was alright.

"You actually did it," breathed Howard finally after a short while of staring. He would have stared longer too, no doubt, if a fellow scientist didn't grab his attention to congratulate him. Looking up, I caught a glance of Peggy at the back of the crowd and met her gaze as she offered a relieved smile. She was glad he was fine too.

I only released Steve to take the shirt a nurse came forward with and stood in front of him as he straightened to his new full height, no longer needing help to stand but keeping his arm over Erskine's shoulder just in case. He looked around in bewilderment, still panting. "How do you feel?" I asked shakily, my hands twisting at the shirt I held.

"Taller," he replied breathlessly after taking a deep inhale and removed his arm from Erskine's shoulders. His familiar blue eyes met mine and I blushed. Before I had considered him adorable, cute even, and seeing him now he was downright gorgeous. I suddenly felt like our roles had been switched; I was now the scrawny shy one and he was the tall and confident one.

"Um-well, you-" I stuttered dumbly, my mouth flapping unintelligently. "You definitely _look_ taller." Suddenly remembering the shirt in my hands I thrust it towards him with an embarrassed blush. Steve took the piece of clothing, his breaths finally calming, but his eyes didn't stray from mine. It was as if he was seeing me for the first time. How ironic when it was him that had just undergone the transformation.

"I'm taller than you," he said softly, his expression reminding me of a child that had just discovered the wonders of ice cream.

"Yeah, you are. Stepping on you while dancing will be pretty difficult now," I joked, but the moment the words left my lips I felt my cheeks grow hotter and I was sure the redness reached well past my makeup and extended to my ears. Steve stared at me with a look I couldn't discern and I had to look away from him again before I'd make an even bigger fool of myself. Our eye contact broken, he finally pulled the shirt over his head to cover his bare torso. He opened his mouth to say something else, but was instantly interrupted.

An explosion rocked the laboratory followed by the shattering of glass and the shouts of fearful surprise. Before I even had a chance to react, much less think, Steve wrapped his arms around me and pressed me into the hard planes of his body as we ducked for cover from the flying debris. I gasped at the sudden movement and almost lost my footing; I would have fallen to the glass covered floor had it not been for Steve's vice-like grip.

"Stop him!" I heard Erskine shout, but as my face was pressed to Steve's shoulder I couldn't see who he was yelling about.

I had just managed to peak over the super soldier's shoulder as two shots rang out in quick succession of each other and I watched from the back as Dr. Erskine's body jolted in correlation with each one. An earth shattering scream filled purely with pain and anguish was heard and it was followed by the thud of a body hitting the ground; Dr. Erskine's body. I watched in horror and clutched at the fabric of Steve's shirt as the older scientist crumpled to the floor, limbs falling to his sides weakly and his glasses slipping precariously on his nose, shielding his shocked brown eyes.

It took me only milliseconds to realize why my throat suddenly hurt.

The scream had come from me.


	6. Chapter 6

It took all my strength to pry myself from Steve's arms, his protests falling on deaf ears as my screams of emotional agony tore from my throat louder than the rest. I stumbled upon losing the support of Steve's grasp and my hands and knees scraped and stung dangerously at the shattered glass as I scrambled desperately to reach the fallen Doctor's side. My hands and legs became streaked with my own blood as I crawled along the floor, finally coming up next to Dr. Erskine's limp form.

Two bloody holes were in his chest, the blood seeping from them quickly and soaking his brown vest and spreading to the pristine white of his lab coat. Tears were already flowing down my cheeks like an unstoppable waterfall and I clutched at his bloody coat with shaking fingers.

Shot? He was shot! The man I loved as a father was fading away before my eyes and I no power to stop it.

"No, no, no, no, no!" I sobbed, my hands clenching into fists around the coat's lapels as they shook violently. "_Nein! Nein, mein Vater!_"

The dying man looked up at me as he choked on the blood filling his lungs. I barely registered that Steve had raced to our side and had crouched beside me until the Doctor raised a weak hand and pointed at Steve's chest above his heart like he had done the night before. His lips moved to say something, but no sound came out and soon his hand fell limp beside him, his head lolling to the side. I grabbed for the hand, grasping at straws for the hope he could be saved, but it was useless. His once bright eyes dimmed lifelessly and the last of his breath passed his slightly parted lips.

My heart felt like it had stopped entirely.

He was gone.

I looked over at Steve; his eyes were hard and his expression grim as he managed to pry his gaze from the fallen scientist. He stared at the way the culprit had gone being already chased after by Peggy Carter with guns firing. With my free hand I reached around to fist my bloody hand in the front of his shirt, streaking the plain white with red. His eyes turned to me, hard and angry with nostrils flared.

"Steve," I said, my voice quivering with emotion. "You have to go after them."

"But, Vicky, I-"

"You have to!" I shouted a little more harshly than I intended, my hand thrusting back and forth in a poor attempt to shake the mountain he had become. It made me more frustrated when he hardly moved and I glared at him even though it wasn't his fault. I was angry, not at him, but at losing yet another father and close friend. "Steve, I can't-!" I took a deep breath to try and calm myself and it only succeeded in lowering my tone. "Please…" I would be no use going after the traitor in the state I was in. Steve was my only hope in avenging the scientist.

He stared at me for a moment before lifting his own hand to pull my fist from his shirt. He didn't need to speak; the look in his eyes and the nod he sent me said everything. In a matter of seconds he was standing and racing barefoot from the laboratory after the assassin.

I stayed vigilant at Dr. Erskine's side, ignoring the chaos that ensued around me, staring after Steve until he was out of sight and then at the lifeless form sprawled out before me and allowing the tears to fall freely.

I don't know how long I stayed there, staring. It could have been minutes, hours, weeks, even years and I wouldn't have noticed or cared. Dr. Erskine, my mentor and father, was dead and the serum gone. His life's work now rested in Steve's genetic code and mine.

Was this the price of freedom? Of genius? Of peace? The people least worthy to die were taken and for what? A power no man could ever hope to control. I mentally gave a humorless laugh at the selfishness of the human race. It seemed like a never ending cycle of power and death.

I was only pulled away from the Doctor's body when officers came to take away his limp form. I had put up a fight, losing what little calm I had managed to gather and screamed for them to release him, to not touch him, but I was held back by Colonel Phillips with a strong hand. He barked at me; '_settle down, agent! He's gone!_' he had said gruffly.

It didn't take long to pack up what was needed and soon we were heading out back to base. In my haze of grief I hardly noticed when someone had hastily wrapped my hands and knees in crude bandages and led me to a car with Colonel Phillips and as soon as we were stopped I was being hauled from the vehicle to have my wounds tended to properly and blood drawn. I was taken to the infirmary and handed off to a military Doctor I didn't catch the name of and bandaged properly.

When he had finished drawing blood I was left to myself as he departed the small room and I relocated myself with wobbly knees from the perfectly made cot to the edge of the desk nearby. I was only alone for a brief few minutes though. Colonel Phillips, who had apparently followed us to the room, entered slowly with his hands clasped behind his back. His steps were almost lazy as he looked to the floor in contemplation and when he reached a foot or so away from where I sat on the desk, he looked up. His expression was sad, after all Erskine had been his friend too, but it was quickly replaced by his usual stern frown.

"Are you alright, agent?" He asked. His tone suggested he didn't really care if I was or wasn't. He didn't treat anyone any less than the soldiers we were though he always tried to give us the time we needed to recuperate.

I gave a sigh and bowed my head, my shoulders slumping. "Yes, sir." My voice sounded more confident than I probably looked.

"I hope you're not lying to me, Barnes," he said. "Because I could have you off the SSR in a heartbeat. All I need is one signature. Understood?"

I wanted to glare at him. How could he be so insensitive? I had every right to react the way I had. Only my training and respect for the man had stopped me from bowing to my own desires and cursing him until I was blue in the face. Instead I lifted my head to stare at him, somehow managing to turn my angry expression into one of determination. The only thing that may have betrayed my true emotion would have been my hands clenching in my lap only to quickly release as they stung in pain. "Understood, Sir," I confirmed curtly.

"Good. I won't have agents on the verge of an emotional breakdown like the one you just had on my team. This is your only warning."

With that he turned and exited the room without another word. I gave a small curse of frustration under my breath and dropped my head into my still throbbing hands while giving a long sigh. Running one hand through my messy hair that had escaped from the bun I had put it in that morning –and having it annoyingly snag on the bandages –I slowly began to remember that I had begged Steve to go after Dr. Erskine's killer and instantly started to worry. I don't know how long I sat there at the scientist's side, but I knew it must have been a while and he still wasn't back yet. If he had I would have been informed of it.

I couldn't help worrying that he was possibly hurt. Steve didn't have enough training to chase down a German Assassin and as much as I put faith into his new… form… I couldn't bring myself to rely on it and his golden heart entirely. As far as I remembered, he didn't have a gun with him unless he had somehow gotten one as he left the secret lab. Even if he did have one I didn't know how good his aim was.

I groaned in frustration. First my mentor dies and now my best friend is off chasing the murderer with little to no experience and no protection. Why had I asked him to do that? Why?

A gentle knocking startled me out of my self-loathing and my head snapped up to find none other than Steve himself standing with his broad frame in the threshold. His clothing was slightly damp, as was his hair, and his feet were still bare and now dirty from running the streets of Brooklyn. There was still a blotched stain from where I had clutched his shirt with my bloody hand earlier. He was staring at me with those intense blue eyes that had caused butterflies to take up residence in my stomach so many years ago. I twitched slightly when I felt those butterflies take flight once again; they hadn't moved out quite yet.

Without even having to think about it, I leapt from the desk I had been sitting on and sprang toward him with a cry of relief, ignoring anyone else who stood behind him as if they didn't exist. My arms came to wrap tightly around his thick neck as his own instantly found their place around my midsection. I didn't care that he was soaking wet and covered in streaks of dirt as I buried my face into his shoulder and felt him place his chin on mine. I thanked God he was alive and well, no worse for wear. At least I hadn't lost another loved one today.

I allowed a few tears to leak silently from my closed eyes, finding solace in Steve's whispered assurances as the salted beads joined the water in his shirt. "Shh, it's ok, Vicky. I'm here. I'm fine. Everything's going to be just swell," he rambled quietly into my ear. After several moments I managed to pull myself away, but kept him at arm's length, unable to let him go far as I stared up at him.

"I'm so glad, you're alright," I breathed. "If I lost you too, I don't know what I'd –"

"Shh, come on don't think like that. I'm here," he soothed, his hand lifting to push a strand of dark hair from my face as he offered the smallest of smiles. I smiled in return and my grip on his large biceps tightened.

Suddenly he seemed to become shy and he averted his blue stare from mine, allowing me to catch a glimpse of the Steve I knew before all this madness. Shy, awkward Steve. It made me smile.

"Agent Barnes." I looked past Steve's shoulder, which was now at perfect level with my forehead –I'd have to get used to that now –and saw Peggy standing there looking as stern yet understanding as ever. It was obvious she had mostly recovered from the events of the morning. "We need to take samples of his blood now."

I blinked and then realized that she had, in her own way, asked me to move and so I did. I removed my hold on the super soldier and stepped to the side to allow him the rest of the way through the door as he was followed by Peggy and a team of nurses and the doctor that had tended to me earlier. Someone handed him a bundle of clothing to change into and was ushered out of my sight behind one of the green curtains in the corner. When he emerged again he was in clean dry clothes, complete with a pair of brown khakis that actually fit him and a matching button down cotton shirt. As soon as he was visible to the others in the room he was brought to sit on the desk I had previously occupied, his shirt sleeve was rolled up and the machine to extract his blood was placed next to him.

The room fell silent as the job was being done, each of us reflecting on the catastrophic events that had occurred only a few hours ago. Our expressions were grim, all of us lost in thought as the nurses worked. It was only after the nurse that was collecting Steve's blood had given him the 'ok' that the quiet was broken.

"Think you got enough?" he asked as he nodded politely to the blonde nurse and began unrolling this shirt sleeve over the bandage at the crook of his elbow. He began to button up the cuff as Peggy replied.

"Any hope of reproducing the program is locked in your genetic code. And Agent Barnes'," she explained as Steve stood from the desk. I noticed the glance he sent me, but Peggy's pause was short lived and her eyes swept over me as well before looking back at the man, her tone becoming softer. "But without Dr. Erskine it will take years."

Steve took a breath, his lips set in a frown as I came to stand with him and the other agent. "He deserved more than this," he said. Tears prickled at my eyes again, but I refused to let them fall. I had cried enough for one day.

"If it could work only once he'd be proud it was you," she told him with a gentle smile as the soldier blinked at her. She turned the look to me before departing from the room with the nurses and the military Doctor. Alone, I looked up at Steve's troubled features.

"She's right," I said softly causing him to look over. "Dr. Erskine and I would stay up late all week just talking about what a perfect candidate you were. That it didn't matter you weren't big and strong like the others. He actually liked that you weren't." My head bowed under his gaze and my hands twisted in front of me as I became lost in thought, my memory sweeping over the last week I had with the Doctor. "I'd tell him about how you never backed down, no matter how big the other guy was." Here I let out a humorless chuckle. "That my brother had to constantly pull you out of scuffles and how my mother and I had to take care of your cuts and bruises after." Steve remained silent during all this and I felt my throat begin to tighten so I swallowed hard before continuing. "He told me you had more potential than any other cadet from your effortless bravery alone, not to mention your stubbornness at not letting five enlistment tries bring down your spark. He might not have known you for very long, but he knew a good man when he saw one. He said that if he had the choice, he'd make every super soldier exactly like you."

I finally looked up at my old friend and saw tears welled in his eyes as he watched me, it made me want to cry too, but my tears had been spent and my eyes were dry. I stepped forward and curled myself in against him again, my hands lifting to grip gently at his shirt. Now that he was much larger than me, I was taking advantage of being close to him as much as I could. When he was smaller, I knew he'd felt inadequate holding me, but now that he could easily wrap me up in his arms, I wasn't about to give him an excuse not to. As if reading my mind, his arms came around me comfortably without a word. "He was an excellent judge of character," I finished with a final sigh. "I just can't believe he's gone…"

I felt Steve's arms tighten just a fraction. "He'll never be gone, not as long as we're around," he said and I looked up from his chest to his face and the grim determination hardening his jaw. I nodded and sighed before reluctantly extracting myself from his hold. I ran my bandaged hand over my messy hair again and straightened my shirt as I pulled on my brown blazer that the Doctor had gotten from one of the officers that had ridden in the car from Brooklyn with us. Apparently he had brought it with him when bringing me into the infirmary. I had already removed my lab coat and tossed it in the corner upon entering.

I was about to suggest we leave the sickeningly sterilized smelling room when Steve's hand on my shoulder stopped me. I looked up at him to find him watching me intently. "What did she mean… when she said that the serum was locked in your genes too?" he asked softly. I bit my lip, contemplating lying, then immediately shook the idea off. Steve was my friend, I couldn't lie more to him than I already had, no matter how angry he'd probably be with me.

"Do you know how we knew the serum was perfected?" I asked in return. Steve hesitated before giving a slight negative shake of his head. His hand slowly slid off my shoulder as I sighed. "Human testing."

Steve blinked, but the shock that had come over his face was quickly replaced as his eyes narrowed angrily and realization came over him. "What? Vicky –"

"Steve, don't," I cut him off with a raised hand, palm facing him. "I volunteered. It wasn't like the military had hired me just to be a guinea pig. I worked with Erskine for a while before he thought it was ready. The only way we could figure out that it was would be by human trial." I saw Steve's mouth open again to say something, but I continued before he had the chance. "I took daily doses of the serum for three months before we decided it was safe enough for the real procedure. The only thing I'm missing is the Vita-Rays. And what was left of the serum was used on you."

"Vicky, you shouldn't have done that. You could have been seriously hurt. Or worse, turned out like Schmidt."

It was my turn to narrow my eyes at him. "You can't tell me what to do, Steve Rogers. I took that risk because I trusted Dr. Erskine. I'm fine, aren't I?"

"Yeah, but it could have gone bad," he said, his tone turning softer as he stared at me with some emotion I didn't recognize. "Bucky would throw a fit if he ever found out."

I chuckled lightly. "Well, he never told me he was accepted into the army so I'd say we're square on that one. He'd be a hypocrite to get on my case about it." Steve's worried frown slowly melted into a small smile and he bowed his head, averting his eyes from mine. "Besides, I didn't want to think about what _could_ have happened and instead focussed on how much it would help. It's ok to take chances sometimes."

Steve shook his head, a few blonde strands falling into his eyes as he sighed. "Not when it's with your life."

I snorted. "Says the man who got into more fights than I can count and joined the army with little to no muscle only to be chosen for a top secret experiment that will bring down the German Empire."

Steve looked back up at me and gave me small scowl. "You know that's different."

Rolling my eyes, I turned and started heading towards the door. "I don't really see how it is," I quipped. "We should probably head out and see what's going on. Colonel Phillips will want to move on as soon as possible, I think." Steve hesitated with another sigh before he nodded at the suggestion and followed me out of the room without another word. I smiled at my victory. We met Peggy at the top of the short staircase and the three of us proceeded at the British agent's lead much like we had at the antique shop.


	7. Chapter 7

As we descended the short flight of stairs I could hear the Colonel and Senator Brandt loud and clear, their voices echoing and mingling with the clunks and thuds of machinery. It seemed like to me they were having what Peggy and I liked to call a 'testosterone battle'; when men's' egos got in the way of being polite and civil to each other when they were either under stress or simply just cranky. But whereas Colonel Phillips, with his extensive military career, kept his comments barely sarcastic and clipped, the senator's tone was clearly annoyed.

"Hydra," the Colonel was telling the man who stood beside him in a nicely pressed black suite and fedora. They stood with the Senator's assistant in front of a pit where Howard stood looking over an odd contraption that looked like mix between a submarine and a plane. Phillips looked over at Brandt when he received nothing more than a confused silence at the name. "I'm sure you've been reading our briefings."

"I'm on a number of committees, Colonel," replied the Senator tersely. Thankfully, before a bigger argument could start, Peggy lengthened her stride to be farther ahead of me and Steve to interrupt.

"Hydra is the Nazi deep science division," she said, her tone neutral but just as commanding as it always was. Upon seeing us, Brandt removed in fedora respectfully. "It's led by Johann Schmidt."

"But he wants a lot more than a thousand year Reich," I added as I came to her side. Steve stayed back a few feet behind us to watch the interaction.

"Hydra's practically a cult. They worship Schmidt; they think he's invincible," explained Phillips.

"So what are you gonna do about it?" Brandt asked. Phillips stared at him for a moment –probably glared a little –then turned towards Peggy and I as we met half way.

"Spoke to the president this morning," he said. "As of today the SSR is being retasked."

Both mine and Peggy's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. While Peggy probably looked more curious, I looked downright confused as she asked, "Colonel?"

"We are taking the fight _to_ Hydra," he told us then his tone softened slightly. "Pack your bags, Agents. You too, Stark." His voice rose again as he turned to address Howard who was peeking out from over the vehicular… thing. "We're flying to London tonight."

Before he passed us by, Phillips threw me a stern look that immediately let me know he was watching me in not just the literal sense. After my emotional crisis this morning, he wanted to make sure I was capable of fulfilling my duties as an SSR Agent. Pursing my lips into a thin line I gave him a confident nod.

"Sir?"

I blinked and turned to look at Steve as he came up beside. Phillips stopped and turned back as well. "If you're going after Schmidt I want in," he said. It almost seemed like he straightened his shoulders and raised his head proudly as he looked at the older man.

"You're an experiment. You're going down in McGordo," Phillips replied without missing a beat. It seemed like everyone present stopped and blinked in surprise at that statement. Steve even whipped his head quickly to the side to give me an incredulous look, but my jaw had already slackened slightly in shock.

McGordo was what we called the place anyone 'useless' had to go –for quarantine or otherwise. Phillips meant to keep Steve out of the military when he had clearly come out on top after chasing down a Hydra spy! Who had probably driven that crazy thing Howard was fiddling with! What was the man thinking? Steve was now more than capable of being the soldier he wanted to be and was now being deprived of that! My fear of him being caught in the line of fire aside, that just wasn't right.

"The serum worked," Steve insisted.

"I asked for an army and all I got was you," drawled the Colonel. I could almost hear the barely restrained scoff. "_You_ are not enough."

"But it's better than nothing, Sir," I cut in when the man was about to turn and walk away. I'm pretty sure a bit of my anger towards him was conveyed on my face as I continued. "You saw it yourself, it worked. If you just gave him a chance –"

"That's enough, Agent Barnes, or I'll leave you here too," barked Phillips and that immediately got me to snap my mouth shut. "You're lucky I'm bringing you along as it is after your display this morning. Now get moving."

Before I had a chance to say anything else, he spun on his heel and clasped his hands behind his back then marched away. I glared at the floor after he was gone and frowned. It seemed my moment of weakness was not going to be easily forgotten or put aside and by rights it shouldn't. The SSR was no place for a blubbering idiot, much less a blubbering woman, and I wasn't about to tarnish the record on purpose. As much as I hated being treated like a child –even though I am compared to the Colonel –I had to live through it for the next little while. No matter how mentally painful it would be.

I was cut off from any further thinking on the matter when I caught Senator Brandt moving out of the corner of my eye and approach Steve who was watching Phillips' retreating back. Brandt noticed this and sidled in front of the man to block off his view and Steve immediately looked to him, a disappointed frown on his face. As I was at Steve's side, the Senator offered a nod in greeting to me, but his full attention didn't leave the blonde man.

"With all due respect to the Colonel, I think he may be missing the point here. I've seen you in action, Steve. More importantly, the country's seen it," he said. I felt my jaw clench as I recognized the typical political sugar-coated tone he had. Steve, for all his brains, didn't seem to notice that the man was buttering him up. "Paper." The Senator looked over to his assistant and snapped his fingers and the man shuffled over while unfolding the newspaper he held in his hands. I caught Peggy's eye as I looked over and she sent me a smile and a nod before quietly taking her leave from the group.

The assistant held up the paper before us to display the front page that had a black and white picture of Steve right in the middle holding a detached New York taxi car door as a shield. Above in uppercase bolded letters read 'NAZIS IN NEW YORK' and just underneath it 'MYSTERY MAN SAVES CHILD'. My eyebrows lifted at this and I snatched the newspaper away from the man to get a better look. Though he threw me an annoyed look –while I ignored it –Brandt and Steve continued their conversation.

"Enlistment lines have been around the block since your picture hit the newsstands," the Senator explained. "You don't take a soldier, a symbol like that, and hide him in a lab." At this both mine and Steve's gazes snapped from the paper to the politician. Steve looked hopeful while I narrowed my eyes in doubt. "Son…" Here he placed a hand on Steve's shoulder and began to lead him off to the side from our little group –which caused me to take a step back before my feet got stepped on. I glared at the Senator when he didn't even look at me as he said 'pardon me, ma'am' and continued on with Steve without missing a beat. "Do you wanna serve your country on the most important battle field of the war?"

I knew Steve was hooked the moment the words left Brandt's lips and he stopped to give the older man a wide-eyed, yet determined, look. I saw the hint of a smile on Brandt's face and I knew immediately that he had something up his sleeve, something that I'm pretty sure Steve wouldn't like in the long run.

"Sir, that's all I want," Steve told him. Brandt's smile grew and he removed his hand from Steve's shoulder to hold it out for him to shake.

"Then congratulations," he said as Steve looked at his outstretched hand in confusion before eagerly taking it and giving it a firm shake. He looked back up at the Senator as he continued. However, his next words left him even more confused. "You just got promoted."

With that, Brandt gave one last victorious smile before releasing Steve's hand and beginning to leave the room while plopping his fedora back on his head. His assistant scurried after him and I came up to Steve's side to watch them leave while the pudgy man paused for a moment to turn back and snatch the paper from my hands with a small glare. I raised an eyebrow at him unfazed at his rudeness even as he turned to Steve with a sickly sweet smile. "We'll be in touch."

With that he shuffled off to catch up with Brandt and Steve and I were left in silence watching them until they were out of sight. The clinking of metal on metal brought us out of our staring and we both looked over to Howard who was crawling from the pit with a wrench in one hand and a dirty white cloth in the other. He was still devilishly handsome even with the few streaks of dirt on his face and his mussed up hair. He smiled at us, but it didn't seem to reach his eyes before he left to go do whatever else geniuses like him did.

"What just happened?" Steve asked after a few more beats of silence between us. I looked up at him to find he had turned back to look down the hallway the Senator had disappeared down.

"You heard the man. You've been promoted," I replied, my tone holding a bite to it and a scowl on my face. Hearing the edge to my voice, Steve turned to look at me with a furrowed brow.

"But it's a good thing, Vicky," he said with a smile. "I can fight for my country now."

I sighed and had to close my eyes for a moment to think of what to say next. How could I tell Steve that the Senator was using him? "Steve…" I started slowly. "Aren't you confused as to _what_ your promotion will be?"

He blinked, his smile faltering. "I assumed whatever it was would be able to get me into the war."

"That's a good assumption, but you don't know men like Brandt," I explained. "I do. I've met quite a few politicians since joining the army and if there's anything I learned it's that they can't be trusted. They word things in ways that get you to do whatever they want. They're selfish, rich little bastards."

Steve seemed slightly taken aback by my bluntness –and probably my swearing –and stared at me looking unsure for a moment. "Do you have any idea what my… promotion might be then?"

"Not a clue," I sighed while shaking my head. "But I have a feeling you're not going to like it."

Silence fell over us again, the only sounds being the mutterings of other people in the large room and the dull clunking of machinery or whatever else. I tried my best not to think of Dr. Erskine now that I had a moment to my thoughts and it was difficult until Steve broke the silence.

"So… London, huh?" he asked awkwardly as he scratched the back of his head and peered through his lashes at me. I looked up at his much taller frame now and nodded while giving him a small sad smile. "It's funny," he laughed humorlessly, "I go a year and a half without seeing you and when we finally meet each other again you have to leave."

"Yeah," I sighed. "But that's the military for you; always moving around."

"I guess it would be stupid of me to ask if you would write to me?" he asked hesitantly and when I looked at him with surprised eyes he was avoiding my gaze with a light blush on his cheeks. A blush of my own crawled up my neck and to the tips of my ears. He hadn't asked before if we could write when I told him I was leaving to join the army; was this a newfound confidence from the serum?

"I –" I started, wanting nothing more than to say yes, but then I remembered that now that the project had been scrapped it was more likely that the SSR would be moving around a lot more now in much more dangerous territory. Writing letters wouldn't be possible, especially given the circumstances. "Steve, I… I don't think I'll be able to…" I saw his face fall as he gave me a quick glance, but otherwise stayed staring at the floor.

"Oh… Ok."

"Not that I don't want to!" I added hastily, my voice coming out louder than I intended in my desperation to have him understand. Several others looked up from their work stations to throw me odd looks, but Steve's were the only ones I concentrated on as he watched me with wide eyes. "Believe me, I would if I could, but with everything going on… with Hydra… and the moving around…"

"I get it," he cut me off with a quirk of a smile. "You're a busy woman."

"It's not just that, Steve. There's a heavy chance that Schmidt will crack our codes and we can't risk him finding anything out, especially when it concerns you. He no doubt already knows what happened in the laboratory and he'll be keeping a lookout for anything to do with either you or Erskine. It's just too risky." He frowned and I stepped forward to wrap my arms around him in a gentle hug. "I guess I'll see you at the end of the war then."

His bulky arms found their place around my back and he gave a squeeze as he rested his chin on my shoulder. "Not if I find you before then. When I make it to the front lines, I'll look for you."

I gave a small laugh and shook my head slightly. "You're so stubborn."

"I learned from the best."

* * *

"I'm going to take a wild guess and say you didn't confess your undying love for him."

After mine and Steve's short talk and hugging session, we reluctantly parted ways. He had to go find his things and I had to start packing for my trip to London. All the while I packed my limited belongings, a cloud of gloom hung over my head. I was just as annoyed as Steve was that we were parting again so soon, but there was nothing either of us could do about it unless I wanted to stay behind. Of course, both Steve and I knew that wasn't going to happen; and why would I? It's not like Steve and I were married –or even dating! –there was no logical reason for me to stay.

Even if my heart ached just as badly as it did the first day I left him and Bucky behind to play hero.

The more I tried to not think about it, the more my brain betrayed me –especially when I came across a few drawings that Steve had done for me when we were kids. That was where Peggy found me, in my dingy little office/bedroom that I used to share with Dr. Erskine, sitting on the edge of my bed and staring down at the pictures with a reverent smile. I tried my hardest not to look over at the deceased Doctor's bed either or else the waterworks would start again. I couldn't look at the still messy bed sheets or even the mostly empty bottle of schnapps on the desk. It hurt too much.

And I would have been glad for Peggy's distraction had she not greeted me with such a sarcastic remark. I glanced up at her with an unamused stare as she gracefully sidled into the room and took a seat at the desk. She smiled at me teasingly as she looked from me to the drawings in my hands.

"And why would I do that?" I asked evasively as I concentrated on the drawings.

"Don't play coy with me," Peggy scoffed. "It's obvious that you love him just by the way you look at him. And you're staring at those pictures like they're each a portrait of him."

I stiffened for a moment, realizing that she had a point and that I was caught. A blush rose on my cheeks as I set the drawings down beside me on the bed. "Is it that obvious?" I asked in embarrassment. Dear god, what if Steve knew? But he asked if we could write… Does that mean he reciprocates? No, he's my brother's best friend; I'm like a little sister to him. But he blushes around me just as much as I do around him-

"To a woman." Peggy's laugh brought me out of my thoughts and I looked at her as she grinned cheekily. "Men are so bloody block-headed sometimes that they miss what's right in front of them."

I raised an eyebrow. "Speaking from experience?"

"We're not talking about me, we're talking about you and Steve," she scolded good-naturedly with a smile, but I knew she just didn't want the attention on her. She had always been a little tight-lipped about her personal life. I considered her my closest female friend and she still hasn't even told me much about herself. "What I'm saying is you have to outright _tell_ him what you feel or he'll never figure it out. And now that he's saved people and been on the front page I can guarantee other women will start noticing him too."

I felt the cold bite of jealously at that and I had to refrain from sounding as worried as I felt when I replied, "Steve wouldn't fall for just any woman who thought he was attractive."

Even as I said it, I knew I was just lying to myself to make me feel better. Steve has never had a girlfriend and for all I knew he's never even kissed a girl. Maybe I was wrong; maybe he would be so overwhelmed that he finally had some female attention that he wouldn't even care if the woman was smart or not, he'd just be happy that one was actually talking to him. If that happened then whatever feelings I thought Steve might have for me would be out the window and in the dust. Peggy was right, maybe I should have kissed him or told him how I felt or something, but I was just so scared that I'd scare him off and I'd lose him forever.

"What are you so afraid of, Victoria?" Peggy asked softly causing me to look up at her to find her not smiling, but staring at me with genuine curiosity. "You're intelligent and kind and have been his friend since you were children –you know him better than anyone."

"That's just it, I'm his friend," I blurted finally. "That's all I am to him. If I tell him…" Here, I took a deep breath to gather the courage I needed to actually say the words. "If I told him I… loved him… he would run. He'd never speak to me again."

"How can you be sure of that?" Peggy scolded. She stood from the chair and straightened out her skirt and blazer, giving me a look that a mother would give their troublesome child. She heaved a great sigh and actually rolled her eyes at me before placing her hands on her hips while shaking her head exasperatedly. "You both are so bloody thick."

I didn't even have a chance to come back with a confused reply before she was marching towards the door with a grace I could never hope to have. "We leave at 1800 hours. A car will be waiting for us at the administration building and please don't be late," she said then turned to look at me just as she reached the threshold. "Colonel Phillips would not be happy."

With that she left me alone again, still confused over her 'bloody thick' comment. I could hear her heels clicking along the pavement and echoing off the walls as I turned to look at the clock on the edge of the desk. It was 1630 and I hadn't even finished packing. With a sigh I placed the drawings I still held in between a few articles of clothing to keep them safe before placing them in my suitcase. For the next hour I packed in silence, still adamant on keeping my full attention away from the bed on the other side of the room.

At 1730 I left the room for the last time, not even sparing a glance at the one unmade bed and the mostly empty bottle of schnapps on the desk.


	8. Chapter 8

Two years.

It had been two years since I last saw Steve. I couldn't write or get in touch with him in any way. We moved around too much and were always so close to Schmidt that any news getting out of camp had to be of importance only and usually coded. No 'love letters', as Phillips put it, were allowed to be sent out.

Even if I was allowed to send letters to Steve, he was a hard man to get a hold of these days.

Just I had suspected and warned Steve about, the Senator had indeed manipulated Steve into doing what he wanted. He was a show man now. He went around the country selling war bonds with his stage show of scantily dressed women and their overdone make up. He was even a movie star now too, as well as a comic book hero. Children loved him, women swooned over him and men used him as inspiration for strength and bravery. He was Captain America; America's new hope.

In a way, Steve was helping his country, but it wasn't in the way that he wanted. He wanted to be on the front lines, he wanted to fight for his people; for their freedom! He wanted to serve his country just like he had the right to.

Then again, two years of being a celebrity could change a person. For all I knew, the Steve I loved two years ago and the Steve today were two completely different people. But I held onto the hope that that wasn't true. The Steve I knew wouldn't give in like that; he'd fight until his dying breath.

Which was why I needed to see him.

Two years had passed and now Steve and I were finally on the same continent, in the same country, at the same base. He was doing a show for the soldiers that were left of my brother's regiment to boost their spirits after the hostage situation that had occurred a few weeks ago. The situation that my brother was now at the mercy of…

That was another reason why I had to see Steve; not just for myself, but for Bucky as well. Phillips had claimed him DIA despite my efforts to convince him that he could still be alive. There was nothing I could do for him now except tell Steve. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to him before he left the day he was captured. He must have known too, that he was walking into the jaws of death, but there was nothing I could do to keep him at camp.

I wiped a tear from my eye as the salty liquid built up at the corner. Enough, there was no time for crying right now. Steve's show was about to start.

Sniffling, I lifted my chin confidently and smoothed out my uniform before striding over to the crowd of men cheering and hooting at a group of women dressed in American flag skirts and tops. I rolled my eyes at them as I came to stand between two army tanks and watched as the girls sang and danced to the happy piano tune being played. The song seemed to go on forever and I was tempted just find Steve later after the show, but thought better of it when I finally spotted the man himself step up on stage from behind the curtain on the right side.

I stood a little straighter and even lifted up on my toes in an attempt to get a better look at him, but at the distance I was at I couldn't make out his features. I did, however, manage to be able to tell he was wearing a spandex suit designed in the American colours of red, white and blue, a star on his chest and matching brown leather gloves and boots. He even had a shield on his arm that had a matching design and a mask over his head.

There were the last traces of cheering from the rowdy men as the girls finished their song and they waved and smiled as they pranced offstage. When the girls were gone, the men grew silent and stared at Steve who was the only one left in the center of the stage with a microphone.

"How many of you are ready to help me sock old Adolf on the jaw?" he asked into the microphone, his tone so upbeat and friendly that it made me smile. It was obvious this wasn't the sort of crowd he was used to, especially when there wasn't a peep from any of the soldiers who just stared at him silently.

There was a pause on Steve's end as well. "…Okay," he said finally, sounding unsure and awkward, but he that didn't stop him from trying again. "Um… I need a volunteer!"

"_I already volunteered_! _How do you think I got here_?" came a random shout from one of the soldiers. A chorus of laughter followed. Then there was another. "_Bring back the girls_!" Another echo of agreement and cheers followed.

Even from the distance I was at I could see Steve fidgeting nervously. "I think they only know the one song, but um, let me –I'll see what I can do."

"_You do that, Sweetheart_," called out another soldier teasingly. "_Nice boots, Tinkerbelle_!" shouted another.

More laughter erupted and I frowned as I watched Steve Pause and turn to look at them all. "Come on, guys. We're all on the same team here."

"_Hey, Captain_! _Sign this_!" The taunt came from a soldier who was now standing on the bench he had previously been sitting on and turned as he pulled down his pants to flash his year at Steve. The other men laughed and cheered then another stood to throw a something at the man on stage who immediately lifted his shield to block the missile fruit. Others followed and soon Steve was the target of dozens of tomatoes being tossed around and he blocked them all until he finally turned and darted off stage with the heckles of the soldiers at his back. The dancers returned in his absence and there was another roar of cheers as the music started up again.

Shaking my head at the disrespect of the men, I turned and left the scene, intent on finding Steve. He probably already felt like a fool before all this and now he probably felt even more idiotic. Right now he needed a friend, just like I did.

But I was stopped by another soldier on my way around the crowd to the tents behind the stage. He informed me that Colonel Phillips wanted a word with me immediately and that I was to follow him to his tent. Gritting my teeth at the Colonel's bad timing, I nodded silently for him to lead the way. He saluted before spinning on his heal and marching towards Phillips' tent.

Just as we arrived at the tent I could hear the beginnings of a storm rolling in. It had been cloudy all day, but only now did the thunder decide to rumble which could only mean that the rain wasn't too far behind. And judging by the heavy cloud cover, I could tell we were in for a doozy.

The soldier stopped just inside the tent and stomped his one foot beside the other before saluting me respectfully and leaving. Stepping farther into the tent my eyes landed on Colonel Phillips at the other end as he looked over a few documents in his hand. Taking a deep breath, I clasped my hands behind my back and stepped inside farther.

"Colonel," I said when I came to the center of the makeshift room. The older man turned enough to see that it was me before putting his back to me again. We hadn't exactly been on the best of terms since the experiment two years ago. I was still walking on eggshells around him and he was watching me like a hawk. Even after two years he was still wary that I would crack, especially after we discovered that my brother had been captured by Schmidt's army. I hadn't broken down when we found out only because I believed he was still alive –I still did to this day –but the Colonel had me under a close watch.

"Agent Barnes," he greeted absently with his back still turned to me. After a moment he put the papers in his hands down on the desk in front of him then turned to face me finally while also clasping his hands behind him. "I understand Steve Rogers is here."

"Yes, Sir," I replied. "I went to see his show. The soldiers were not kind."

"Well, of course they weren't. To them, he's living the dream; no war, lots of pretty girls, a movie career," he scoffed, a slight humourless smile on his face. "Senator Brandt has turned him into his own little campaign."

"If I may say so, Sir, you didn't give Steve a lot of choice," I interjected with a hidden bite to my tone. "He wanted to fight for his country and when he was finally physically able to, you turned him away despite his courageous effort to hunt down Dr. Erskine's killer. Brandt offered him a way to serve his country and with no other option presented to him, he took it."

"Don't get smart with me, Barnes," Phillips moaned irritably while pinching the bridge of his nose. "I do not want to have this conversation with you _again_." It was true we had talked about this on many occasions over the past two years. I would point out that he made a mistake not taking Steve while he would practically ignore my every word. He didn't want to accept Steve for reasons I couldn't think of.

"With all due respect, Colonel, I bring it up because I feel like I need to."

He sighed. "Of course you do."

"Sir," I tried again. "You saw for yourself the transformation. Steve is twice as good as half the soldiers we have here combined. You need to only give him a chance to prove it."

"He's had a week of training, he wouldn't last ten minutes out there!" he snapped in return and I forced myself to keep my mouth shut as he heaved another sigh. "I did not call you here to discuss Mr. Roger's position."

"Then what was the reason, Sir?"

Colonel Phillips sent me a warning look that silently told me to get a hold of my temper before he chewed me a new one. He moved around to the other side of his desk to have a seat. "I understand that as a close friend of yours Mr. Rogers would also have known your brother, correct?"

I paused for a moment then nodded. "Yes, Sir."

"Then I assign the task of informing our resident star spangled captain of the situation to you. I would imagine hearing the news from a friend would be easier to take than from someone else," he said, his tone becoming a little gentler. I watched him with slightly surprised eyes as his seemed to droop in sympathy. "I am sorry for your loss. Both of yours." He sent me another sympathetic look before it was quickly wiped away to be replaced by indifference as he went back to his work. "I will be in the war tent for the rest of the day; I expect both you and Agent Carter to be present for the 01600 meeting. You're dismissed."

"Yes, Sir," I said with a salute then quickly left the tent. As soon as I exited I was met with an onslaught of torrential rain and the shouts of soldiers as they ran from one tent to the other before getting too wet. I squinted to stop the water from blinding me, but otherwise didn't mind getting wet as I started off at a jog to Steve's show tent. By the time I got there, my hair was soaked and sticking to my cheeks, my uniform was dripping and my shoes were covered in mud, but I could care less.

Upon reaching the stage, I found I didn't have to look far for Steve because he was already sitting off to the side where the stairs leading behind the stage were with his back facing me. He was alone and sitting in the shelter of the overhang as he huddled over something and I smiled as a thought occurred to me as to what he was doing. Even when he looked so different than he had before, I could still tell what he was doing without even having to see him from the front.

At a much slower pace, I approached the short staircase that lead up to the side where he sat. As silently as I could I ascended the steps and made my way to the middle of the platform behind him. He hadn't noticed my presence yet, he was still too busy with his drawing. Smiling softly, I admired him for a moment or two. He didn't even have to look at me and he could still set butterflies loose in my stomach; just being around him was enough.

Finally, I couldn't wait any longer. After two years of waiting to see or speak to him again I did want put it off anymore.

"Hey, Steve," I said softly.

He still heard me as clear as if I had spoken right next to him and he turned to acknowledge who had addressed him. When his eyes landed on me he blinked and his jaw slackened in surprise before he pulled himself to his feet and made his way towards me. I smiled widely at him as he held his sketchbook and pencil in one hand while both of his arms came around me in a warm embrace. Tears prickled at my eyes as I readily returned the gesture, my arms wrapping around his waist as tightly as I dared. Waiting two years was worth it if I got to be in his arms for even a minute. Nothing in my life ever felt as completely whole as it felt in this moment.

"Vicky…" he mumbled into my shoulder as if saying my name would solidify the fact that I was actually here. He pulled away, but I didn't go far as he held me at arm's length and my hands came to grasp his elbows. He stared at me in awe and fascination and I couldn't help but laugh at the dumbstruck look on his face. "I can't believe you're here! Wait what _are_ you doing here?"

"Well, officially I'm not. None of us are, technically speaking," I replied.

"Oh man, is it ever great to see you," he breathed as if still trying to accept that I was here.

I smiled at him warmly and my hands moved up to cup his face. "It's great to see you too, Steve," I whispered.

A blush rose to his cheeks and he avoided my gaze and released my shoulders. I released him as well, but refused to take my eyes off of him. I went two years without seeing him; I wanted to look at him for as long as I could to commit him to memory. "I saw your show." He lifted his eyes to look at me again, the smile fading from his face. "It sure was… Something."

"Yeah, uh, I had to improvise a little bit," he said as he scratched at the back of his neck with a frown. "The crowds I'm used to are usually a little more, uh… twelve."

I gave him a sympathetic smile. "Some soldiers aren't the nicest of men on a good day. They're just a little jealous, that's all."

"Jealous?" Steve laughed humourlessly. "It's the other way around for me. I could be out there fighting with them, doing something for my country." His frown deepened as he bowed his head to look at the picture he had just been drawing in his book. "All I ever wanted to do was go overseas, be on the front lines and serve my country… I finally got everything I wanted." He shook his head then. "And I'm wearing tights."

I glanced down as well to look at his drawing of a cartoon monkey on a unicycle dressed in a similar uniform to his own with a shield and an umbrella. Sighing, I reached out and gently took the book from his hand which caused him to look at me. "Steve," I started, "You know you were meant for more. I know it too. Colonel Phillips knows it, but he's too stubborn to admit it. And I did warn you about the Senator."

Steve gave a small chuckled. "Yeah, you did. But at least he's got me doing this. If I wasn't I'd be in a lab right now."

"But those aren't your only options," I pressed. "We just need to convince the Colonel that you can this. He thinks you don't have enough training to be a real soldier, but doesn't know your heart like I do." I blushed at that last statement and it deepened when his warm blue eyes bore into mine. "I know you can do this and so do you. You're not a monkey, Steve. You're meant to fight."

He stared at me for a long moment before a smile graced his lips in a way that made me want to faint. Instead, I just shivered as a gust of wind blew past and caused my damp clothing to feel even wetter. Steve noticed this right away and his brow furrowed in concern.

"Are you cold?" he asked.

"Only a little. I just got wet on my way over here from the rain and the wind was colder than I realized," I said brushing it off with a shrug. But I was betrayed by my body as another shiver wracked through me and the next thing I knew, Steve was whipping off his long grey coat and draping it over my shoulders. "Oh no, Steve, keep it on. You'll freeze in such thin clothes."

I tried to pull off his jacket, but he placed his hands firmly on my shoulders to keep it in place. "Don't worry about it, I'll be fine. I'm just worried about you," he said softly as he brushed a strand of wet hair away from my face. My blush deepened. "Why didn't you bring a coat with you?"

"I was too excited to come see you and I didn't realize how bad it was until I was already outside."

He shot me another smile and wrapped his arms around me in another hug. Just then a honk sounded behind him and he released me as we turned to see what was going on. Both of our smiles immediately fell when our eyes landed on a medical jeep where soldiers were unloading a few injured comrades.

"They look like they've been through hell," Steve commented quietly and my eyes dropped to the floor sadly.

"These men more than most," I replied just as softly. He turned to look at me, but I avoided his gaze. "Schmidt sent out a force. We fought back with two hundred men and less than fifty came back; the rest were either killed or captured."

"That's terrible," he breathed.

I bit my lip before I said the next part. "The crowd you went up against earlier was all that was left of the 107th regiment…"

I felt Steve stiffen beside me. "… The 107th… But that's Bucky's –"

"I know, Steve," I whispered and finally gathered the courage to look up at him. He was staring at me with wide worried eyes; he was scared. Scared for his best friend.

"Vicky… Where's Bucky?"

I shook my head as tears stung my eyes again. "I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know?" He asked desperately.

"Steve!" I stopped him before he became too distraught. "He's not here."

His jaw slackened and his brows narrowed in sadness. I could see the tears in his eyes too.

"Steve…" I started again, much quieter this time. "Bucky's missing."


End file.
